Dear you,

goodbye

2011-12-27T11:43:00.000-08:00

at some point i realized, ive done too much for you.

i sometimes hope, i could be wanted. i want to feel like im wanted, like im needed in your life.

i tried to tolerate as much, i tried to tell you, i tried to sacrifice. i said dont have to call me if youre gaming, i said you could just go play your game and dont have to call me, and yet.. im to blame for the distance between us. i dont like it when youre gaming and im talking, its rubbish. youre not even listening eventhough you say youre listening.

i honestly dont know how much to give in.. i dont know what to do anymore.

I have to draw a line, between determination and desperation to be with you.

youll never know

2011-12-22T11:57:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i look over my shoulder, thinking how would things went if there wasnt you in my life. I think hard sometimes, what would have happened if i didnt agree, what would have happened if i gave up long time ago.

Im holding on to something thats once so important to me, and feelings seem to fade. We may say it doesnt, but the sound of your voice and the warmth of your care seems vague.

Whats worse..telling you all these wont make you feel any different, wont make you act any better. Wont make you move, wont make you try to make me stay..seems like youre just willing to let me leave, just waiting for time to pass.

So, why must i make an effort on something that you dont appreciate. Sometimes what i want is just to feel like you need me in your life. You can say a thousand words that you need me but, everything is easier said than done.

ill never forget

2011-12-15T05:03:00.000-08:00

mushrooms.

:) thank you.

one place i love

2011-11-27T10:41:00.001-08:00

ya i freaking love this place. heh heh heh

*feeling artistic*

id love to stay but ive got a life to live

2011-11-21T23:17:00.001-08:00

dear assholes in my life,

may you be blessed with more brains and more common sense that being an asshole will only result in you getting a treatment like an asshole too.

just saying.

*insert troll face*

Anyway its been awhile! Hello there if theres anyone even reading this space anymore. But im good here :)

There are people who cares more than anything and and everything else thats important to me is good.

Recently life has been a little harsh but through this hard time life made me realise who is really there and who is really just being there for nothing. Good for nothing kind of people. They just suck the awesomeness out of you . But hey, awesome people has unlimited awesomeness.

At least thats what i think. hahaha.

Daddy and mommy is good too, they just called me the other day and made me show them a little of what im doing here, like what kind of events ive been attending and what have i been doing. I showed them my thick textbooks. D: they make me feel homesick!

but its okay, my awesome neighbours has been cooking nice stuffs and making me happy :) Thank god!

ps; To haters, the more you hate the better i become :) You hate cos you dont have what i have anyway.

And finals in a month and half? trololololol

Assholes that make the world a shitty place

2011-10-22T15:27:00.001-07:00

This is my personal space. Read it and don't judge me. Even if you do, I dont fucking care.You know this world is really being a bitch these days. People cannot stand seeing you happy, and some people are just overly jealous with whatever you're having. My advice for these kind of people, go and dig a hole, and bury yourself alive okay? Because things I have, I worked for it, either that or god made me that way. Sucks to be you if you're gonna be jealous of that bitches. I'm not saying I have the best of the bet and i am everything better than anyone in this whole wide world. I have my weaknesses an there are things I am not able to do too. But I made use of whatever I have and made it better. Made my life to what it is now. Maybe if you learn how to do that instead of spending time judging others and making remarks on them you will have a better life. What do you get spending time doing all that crap when the next day, you're till going to be in that state of misery? Seriously, get a life. I have no intentions of replacing you in your life so don't have to worry. Your life is for you to live and mine is for myself. If u have a problem with the way I live and the things I have in my life, sorry to say you can't do anything and I can't either. One day I'll slap reality into your face when I can't take it anymore. Grow up bitch.P.s. I'm not referring to anyone. Don't have to worry it's not you

"Sometimes it lasts in love, But sometimes it hurts instead"

2011-09-27T09:30:00.000-07:00

Feels like it was just yesterday, when i have you right here beside me, looking into my eyes and telling me everything will be okay.

When things doesnt go my way, sometimes all i want to do is just find someone to break down to, and all i wanna do is sit there and keep crying and just have someone to hold me and tell me its going to be okay. I wanna feel protected. I dont want to be independent anymore. I dont want to wake up and having myself telling myself that everything is fine, things will turn out fine at the end of the day.

I want to be adored, i want to be treated like a kid for once and i want to be carefree.

I dont want to be alone, being alone is really, sometimes, tiring.

I wish you knew, really, that its tiring for me to be like this.

langkawi :)

2011-09-20T11:57:00.000-07:00

summer's heat is gone, and im back to the cold winter weather.

At least ive been productive during the holidays, AT LEAST i went somewhere besides staying home and rot. Making rounds to fetch siblings or driving my mom to the hypermarket.

I went langkawi with form sixers :)

holidays wont be complete without jump shots. lol

I did realise too that in this place, theres nothing much but cheap tax free things..ANDDDD they suck at F&B. Went round and round but theres no food to be found and even if there is..its kinda sucky.

But its okay, its the company that matters. <3 too bad xinfei didnt make it this time if not we would have a perfect ten. ITS OKAY! we still have next year XD

Langkawi should sell such tax free alcohol stuff, people wont have time to enjoy the beautiful view and sea breeze! They spend so much time being hang over-ed. Well at least mine was like..the day we were going home? lol

Well he came along. =) i think this was the time we mended our distance, and talked more than we usually do. The distance made a gap, i hope the bridge be strong enough to hold us both.

his head got one big fat dot -.-''

dont look at me, look at the guy behind giving free sunblock rubbing =DDD

our perfect nine :)

Memories :)

On the side note, i have this urge to scream my lungs out like theres no tomorrow. Theres so many things going on in our lives that sometimes we miss those little important moment just because we are too busy looking forward, or we are too obsessed with the past.

Ive made mistakes, mistakes that i can never change, but what kills you only makes you stronger. Im truly sorry but if im not forgiven, i cant do anything either. Ill have to live with it, and ill have to learn from my mistakes. I know i cannot blame anyone for what ive done, only me myself and i...and i am fine with it.

Slow down, pause, live for the moment. Cos you never know what you have right now with you, might just last and stay forever. Things that has happened, or is going to happen, wont be determined by you. Its all destiny, give your best, leave it all up to the rest. :)

Be happy, especially when youre driven to your knees. Be strong!

suddenly im back here

2011-09-10T02:27:00.000-07:00

Been two months since i visited this site, this page not for you to stalk anyway. Shoo.

Ive come to realise my problem suddenly, after all the lemons thrown at me in life. I find it hard to believe in people, to believe that good things will last. I used to believe but now i no longer believe in those things.

good things will fall apart. things that happen recently, things that ive seen, things that ive heard, things that ive done. made me who i am. changed the way i think. changed the way things work around me. i am happy, but i know, ill never be as happy as i was.

please forgive my mistakes, sincerely. i dont know how to face my mistakes, i dont know how to make things better. i just know how to run away from all those things. :/ i wish to be forgiven.

anyway, enough with the sensitive issue about myself.

second year is here, and im sure the first sem isnt going to be as easy as the first year. running away from class, getting up late and stuff, its going to be a tough ride and i gotta..suit up or man up. one of it that makes things better.

my roomie shifted out, seems empty right now. i dont like the feeling of being alone but at the same time i feel like im having some personal space alone. eating alone, laughing alone. ah i going to go insane soon.

i miss you guys so much. :'(

:)

2011-08-08T12:26:00.000-07:00

To learn to depend on ourselves, sometimes is probably very tiring.

But i keep falling the moment i trust someone to be there for me, i keep losing someone or something when i put hopes into others understanding me, others being there for me. People have feelings, and feelings, often, hurt.

but oh wells, life goes on. we cant please everyone anyway :)

internet sucky, wont have much update :) you just need to know im growing fatter and im having fun, thats practically it hehe.

Push until you can't and then demand more

2011-06-22T03:09:00.000-07:00

Katy Perry is cute. I super like to look at her music videos and *stare*

Dont know why? no....i dont swing that way either. I admire pretty girls, :)

hah. recently someone dug out my secondary school picture. i looked so "awesome". it kinda reminded me about my high school days when it was all about studying and nothing else.well those were the times when there was less things to worry about. right now everything is pretty jumbled up together that when you decides on something it also affects directly or indirectly something else.

like if i eat dinner and go to bed right away like what i did yesterday, ill be fat-ter and long term, affects health and blah..

i shall stop that, this whole eat dinner feel sleepy and go to bed thing is making me fat, isn't it. ahahaha.

i know and i notice myself too that im much more paranoid and have some sort of self conscious right now compared to how i was last time, but hey. some sort of self realization is better than none. =p

my god im so close to going home. i cannot wait. FOOOOOOOOOD

give me an answer

2011-06-17T02:02:00.000-07:00

I really cant decide where is everything going in my life right now. At times i am so confident of my own decision and then suddenly i feel like if i take this leap, im going to regret it. Its like having a cold feet before the wedding starts, should i or should i not.

I hate making decisions, i always like to rely on people to give me second opinions to make a decision. Im afraid, if one day i took that path and ill regret it forever. Its really not easy, what am i supposed to do, what am i supposed to do..

At times i really dont want to be independent, i want someone who can actually think whats best for me and make that decision, i can be independent most of the time but vulnerable times like this makes me feel so weak.

I feel weak emotionally. :( how long is this going to haunt me. i dont want to be stuck in this forever.

I know i have nobody to blame, but myself. For giving in too much, for taking everything so positively until at one point, i suddenly realize its not worth it. Not worth it to be stuck in something that doesnt even make me happy, instead makes me frustrated most of the time.

Should i walk away?

If two souls are not meant to be together i cant force it. I cant hold on to something that doesnt make me happy. To think about it, im going to have to bear with this for years and perhaps, a lifetime. Can i? I dont want to. I dont want to regret. Perhaps someone else is much deserving, and perhaps you can find someone who really understands you better, and perhaps someone else can stand the silence that kills me slowly.

I never cared how people thought of us, i never took in or even listen, if that matters. We are not perfect to begin with, i know. But i cant accept it anymore. I suddenly cant do this anymore.

But what am i supposed to do if this thing right here doesnt make me happy but i dont want to hurt anyone either. I dont want to be mean just for the sakes of myself. I dont want to be selfish :(

I dont mind if you come and vent all your anger upon me but please, dont leave all of this hanging.

rants

2011-06-06T08:03:00.000-07:00

why is it that when you prioritize yourself, it hurts other people feelings but when you prioritize others, you hurt yourself?

I dont understand.

Well, goodbyes are made for you to think of what you had, what you lost, and what you took for granted.

and, i dont mind being the bad person for once.

as much as i want things to go my way

2011-06-01T02:52:00.000-07:00

life.

been occupied with exams and credit tests. trying, i guess.

i dont know who to turn to, about matters concerning myself. i couldve just swallowed my pride and tell anyone but i dont seem to have that courage to tell anyone about myself. for fear of judgement, for fear of broken trusts.

i trust, and at times trust is just too superficial. im not a pessimist, neither im optimist (i think)

u know how sometimes, there are decisions youre supposed to make at that very moment, yet you cant do it. you cant make that decision. you think of the consequences of your actions, you have a reminiscent of the past, you remember all those good stuff and bad stuff. and you have mixed feelings over your own decision. you cant decide, you get frustrated and emotionally unstable. the slightest irritating thing will trigger your anger.

been there done that.

being far away and having no choice but to be independent opened my eyes to what life really is. expectations are not met, people fail you, you fail people, and at times life takes your "whats worse?" as a challenge. people make big fuss over such a small thing and you make a big fuss over some spilled coffee because youre having a bad day.

whats worse? you dont know who to turn to, and you dont know where to find back that happiness you once had. things just go downhill and nothing recovers. nothing good happens. even if there is youll be like, ahh, its going to go away anyway someday.

and i too, after all these sad moments, realise what i want in this life.

im not being arrogant or selfish, neither i am saying that ive found the perfect purpose in this life, but i know one thing, i know what i deserve.

i used to be so stupid.. i took all matters so lightly that on the surface the water really looks calm. i worry too much about other people perception of me, so i let go of my own ego just to save everyone around me. i say sorry too easily that people take my pride for granted.

as time grows, it becomes a habit. and now people seem to expect me to just accept whatever i can get. i definately know, at least a picture, of how life is supposed to be.

im not going to give up on myself just for something thats not even worth it.

with or without, ill learn to be happy

help

2011-05-24T11:07:00.001-07:00

Im bad with controlling my temper these days.

Theres so much anger in me, and i dont even know who to turn to.

(UTJIHFUEHUFUFHFIEHFIHEFIHFEIHIFCNKC

DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee YOU PEOPLE DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeee

weird cravings at 3am in the morning

2011-05-19T16:18:00.000-07:00

Screwwwwed. Totally.

My sleeping cycle is so screwed, since spring/summer is here. The time the sun sets, i fall asleep, and before it even rises, im awake. Well, cant blame the sun, blame uni!!

Haha, schedules are all pretty packed with exams and stuff. Now i totally understand why people run around saying omggggg stresss wei.... And people who procrastinates, end up like me. Rushing and stressing at the very end minute.

Well at least im reaching to the end of the 2 torturing weeks of mundane exams (Y)

If this cycle continues, im gonna grow up to be a mushroom..literally. SO BORING

mushroom. lol

I cant wait to go homeeeee :D The traffic packed highway and hot sunny days awaits me!!

"most memorable highway"

Well, to me at least it brings so much memories. Hahaha. I cant wait! Finals please be over quick! :)

none other than perfect

2011-05-14T01:39:00.000-07:00

One day, one fine day when the sun is shining brightly on me,ill find that shirt, that says, "im not perfect, and i will never be, im not going to try either."

Im not good with emotions. Others get emotional easily, my emotions flutter easily. Lets name my emotions Sam.

She is good at pretending, but deep down it hurts. Sam is easily affected by mean words, and easily be happy with small little efforts made to make her happy. Sam is fragile.

Its not hard, to just stand at one corner, or lock urself up, and cry all you want when youre sad. Time heals, but from what i see, time doesnt heal. Time to time, you wont heal if you dont deal. I learn to make moves to make my life better. I dont want to be trapped in something i dont even want to be in the first place. There is no use holding on to something thats not even making you happy.

Im not talking about my life, generally.

People you need in your life, are those who make you happy. Happy at the sight of their presence, happy at the sight of their first Hi, and people who actually do something to make you happy. Those who saddens you, dont have to be there. Why do you need them if all they ever do is bring you down to your knees?

p.s. i cant tell if all these is making me stronger, or killing me.

i hit 20!

2011-05-06T07:10:00.000-07:00

Can i ask you something? Would you rather be called a chick or a woman? Cos when someone calls someone else a chick, i immediately have a figure of a fat yellow bird, or perhaps KFC material. So if youre a chick, youre KFC material.

Chicks..

Anyway, i hit twenty. Yes, i shuould not dread about being 20, so i have already digested the fact that im ALREADY 20. Next year, id be legal, legally. Never really did care, but whatever. :D

First time, being so far away from parents on my birthday. I dread that, yes. I sobbed away just looking at red eggs. Mummy always make that for me on my birthday. >( At least she remembered and wished me :)

so hitam! xD

Well dad wished me, as usual, an sms...T.T and he also not sincere wannnnn! Always want to act cool. Happy birthday, from daddy and all of us back home. When told my mom about it, she was like, he shy to just say himself. hahahaha

But im happy celebrating it here too, honestly i felt very loved. :) Thank you guys, for the cake smashing, chili's prank, sushi making, LOKLOK existing, and many many more. For the effort made for me, i sincerely appreciate and cant thank you guys enough.

J for jeffrey, Y for Yy :)

Im even luckier, to know that Jeff's bday is few days after mine :D So we can celebrate together. Even any surprise, they will just surprise him as well. Hahaha, super sidekick, but Jeffrey my son, its just cos we have exams the next week aite, they sincerely wanted to celebrate ur bday too :D

we are 30 -.-

♥

Note that i was overdressed, got story okay. Told you birthdays was all about scamming. -.- But im thankful, really! Everything done keeps putting a smile on me :)

"don bully girl la..." 10 seconds later i almost swallow the candle -.-

this moment declares round 2

Hahaha i had fun, but was pretty tired cleaning the cake smudge all over the corridor afterwards, but i slept with a smile on my birthday night =)

Thank you everybody ♥

If i was to brag and brag about my birthday it wouldnt end, but i just want to thank each and every effort made to make me smile, make me happy on the day i strike 20. :) Love you all ♥

i dont mind being at the losing end, if its you.

2011-05-04T11:03:00.000-07:00

Supposedly i should be heading to my nerd mode instead of still being stuck here blogging, but i really need to get this out of my head. Recently ive been troubled, troubled with many sorts of things, and my mind just cant stop thinking. Not just about myself, perhaps about others too, family..friends.

But we all know what affects us most, people close to us. Well maybe not you, but to me, yes. I am easily affected by people around me. I could shed tears watching someone cut a camel on Youtube, that was plain mean. I still cant say yes to vegetarian tho, but camel? -.-'' Im not saying im close to the camel but im just associating and giving an example of how easy shed tears for people i barely know.

Main point is. I might hear stories, i might hear complains, i might even myself, say things i dont even realise might hurt people around me. People by nature are pretty insensitive arent they? They want to be the best among others, and we cant please everyone, seriously. You might be pissed at someone for one minute and be totally friends the next.

I wont lie, that i dont hear any complains about anyone around me. I complain myself too, to everyone close to me. I hear really bad stories, about everyone, i even hear really bad things that i choose, to just listen. Things done, are done. I cant change anyone. They have their flaws, only they themselves can change their attitude. What more can i do than to just ignore?

When i love someone, i give my all. I dont hold in, i dont keep anything to myself, i give it all. I made a promise to myself, to love someone whole heartedly anytime in my life. There might be times, when i doubt myself, i doubt this whole relationship, i doubt this whole being together thing. There might be even times when i think, hey..im giving too much, wont i be at the losing end?

Nobody wants to lose, everyone wants to win. But when you realise you loved this person that much, you wont mind losing. You give the whole world and expects nothing in return because you loved. You give in when theres argument because you loved. You throw away your doubts and give it the best shot, because you loved. You ignore your dissapointments because you loved. You try to understand his difficulties because you loved. You hide your emotions so hard so that your friends wont think hes a jerk, because you loved.

End of the day, id still be happy, i cant explain why but i do.

To love,for me, means taking the risk of a heartbreak. I might not be as strong as you people out there, but i know, theres someone destined to be with me. And high possibility, im with that person right now.

Let time decide. We come to love, not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person, perfectly.

He may not be the best, but im happy. I appreciate everything he has ever done. Recently he might put up mean statuses saying hes worried, and girls forget everything, that made me emo (yes now u know) but i love you still. Im just going to pinch u when i see you alright?

Happy 23 months, i hope you cry reading this. :) Even if you didnt, just lie to me la okay. I can...take..it.

we might not have tomorrow, but im thankful for what we had. :)

dammit.

2011-04-25T10:16:00.000-07:00

Theres absolutely nothing wrong with pretending..but people tend to think youre stupid when you pretend you know nothing.

I pretend, because i dont want to know. I pretend, because i dont want to be involved. I pretend, because i dont want to make things worse. I pretend because i assume YOU can save your own ass when you're in deep shit, and last but not least, i pretend because i dont want to hurt your pride.

I hope you will realize your mistake and fix your shit cos nobody is going to save you, only you can save yourself.

Im not stupid, and i know whats going on, i just dont want to stick my nose into your matter. Dont test my patience.

Seriously plain bullshit. Takes real patience to stand people these days.

Buddha save these people. &*(^*&^!!!!

happy 200th post bloggie. :D

2011-04-25T06:19:00.000-07:00

And happy 20th bday to me :)

Yesh. Ive finally joined the twentees gang, where stress and everything comes kicking in. I cant believe in another few more years time ill be working and there wont be anyone going "yy..wake up now...go eat breakfast.."

Well, not like theres anyone who does that now to me anyway. hahaha.

So i hit twenty last Friday. I think what JK told me was true. Birthdays are all about scamming. When your birthday is here, you have to be more cautious of everything thats going on around you, especially plans made on that day. Its like scam time. haahha. But its okay, i like. One thing i like, is always surprises :) I wont deny.

I love to be surprised and i love surprising people. Especially blur people. :D

i be more ss on my birthday, okay? bear with me. =.=

Thank you A1 family for the cute autographed puzzle card. Haha. I didnt expect you guys to be here so early. Since i already saw the event created actually. :) But im thankful, even though after that my face was literally IN the cake..and i nearly swallowed the candle you guys poke so deep in.

hahah. When i lifted my head up, Jinli was like OMGGG?!! WHERE THE CANDLE?? YOU TELAN D???!

That was seriously so funny. hahahaha I LOVE ALL OF YOU ♥

Will post proper ones when im done seeing my fugly faces on FB =.=

:(

2011-04-21T05:11:00.000-07:00

Im aging, im growing old by every second.

And now those small tiny little candles is going to merge and become just two huge fat big thing in the middle of the cake. Can i have 20 small candles? >(

Its going to be the first time, celebrating without my family around, without kisses and hugs from my dad and mom.. I miss them so much suddenly. Thinking of my birthday just makes me feel suckier without them around. Sigh.

Anyway im going to be old tomorrow, my last day of being 19 will be spent doing what 19 years old do, perhaps studying?

I miss daddy and mummy :(

u can run now, word haters

2011-04-20T11:47:00.000-07:00

Grumbling post, run run run.

This week was supposed to be pretty relaxing, pretty quiet week for me but im so irritated by everything thats going on around me. Im annoyed, seriously. I dont know where to look, how to not judge, or even, just how to shut up and not do anything.

There are limits to everything, and when you cross that limit you become number one in my "to kill" list. Yes i do have that invisible list in my brain, non existent usually, but it will, once stupid people cross limit.

Dont do things youll regret later on, dont do things that you already know is wrong. What matters is your actions and not by your words. Not by what you say, not by what u promise, but what you do at this freaking moment.

I cant stand it, seriously.

I shouldnt even care. FML FML FML!!!!!!

I just can sit and pray that stupid people will open their stupid eyes and see the world the way everyone sees it. &^*(^*(^&!!!!!

May you stupid people be blessed with wisdom, ok? I so feel like cursing now.

again, doughnuts

2011-04-14T08:48:00.000-07:00

I dont know, this might be my favorite month, but to some people it just seems to be a very bad month. I hope you guys be strong and face all challenges that comes your way okay? ♥

Ive been lazyyyy and i didnt have much time to update. It isnt really a good day for me either. Im feeling tired and irritated and everything bad. Dont feel like doing anything either..but i have alot of things piling up everywhere. Every week there are tests and exams and everything. I suddenly want some time alone.

But i always make it through, you can you can you can. Perhaps its just something random bugging you yy.

Swt self motivation. Well at least i know bad stuffs do pass, no use pondering over it.

But when bad stuff comes, its always good to look back and think of all the good stuffs/sweet stuffs around you right.

you understand me most. :) good stuff #1

good stuff #2
hahahhaa i love bunnies. :)

good stuff #3 - chocolates always make my day.

If i could, i would have taken picture of everything good in life, but i guess i was too busy being happy that i forget to take pictures. Will do, next time.

It was Women's Day, thats why im blessed with so many nice gifts. Im really surprised by what the guys did during that weekend, i feel even happier getting a personal bodyguard for the day.

That Women's Day itself was pretty dead, but that weekend was the one when we were celebrating. I believe most of the women here in Moscow were blessed with epic night when the limo came and they had a ride of their lifetime.

But my family brought us out to satisfy our chinese food craving that night. We went to a chinese restaurant (ya how exciting!!:D:D:D). Yeah, i know it might be something so common in KL but here chinese food, mamak, its like heaven.

part of my new family

Theres still two more naughty kids, but they were adopted away to C-zone cell group. Well i have 6 years to collect meaningful pictures, i guess i can snap one or two of their face. :)

they say cos they like it when my hair smells good. :)

i was...extraordinary. spot the weirdness.

Family means nobody gets left behind. I love this phrase so much. At one time i was pretty much addicted to that blue monster. I got keychains of it in green grass dress. Hehe.

my new family :)

every girl has a bodyguard that night. :) we were even arranged to sit in alternates. haha.

I dont know who was mine actually, many of them very helping me all the way. And i remember that night i wasnt feeling so good either. Thank you so much. You know who you are. =)

And oh, not to forget the roses i received. Thank you Chai. :) Oh, thank you Dadali too. One thing i do realise here is that they have more florists on one street than the whole Malaysia. And i think its because of the weather, the roses is drying up, with its color intact. :')

Thank you everybody. I love all of you. For efforts made, for smiles you enlighten, for hugs that were given. I had the best women's day ever.

good food makes me smile.

Good stuff can overcome sadness. They always do.

been addicted to you for 22 months.

2011-04-03T12:26:00.000-07:00

And the title says it all.

Passport photo. Couple dimension. x2

I secretly stalk you hahaha.

Caught me?

Thank you, and this thank you is for times that you have been there for me, and times that youre going to be there for me. :')

for how much i adore you, you will never know.

poh si thiv (+)

2011-03-29T10:29:00.000-07:00

There might be doubts, worries, and unlimited problems surfacing in my world. But the thought of you just being there sometimes make me happy.

Thank you :)
-dedicated to all who has always been there for me, sincerely. ♥

For the first time, im happy about everything.I dont know what has gotten into me but i think i matured a little and grew a little bit stronger! I realized recently, the more carefree i am, the better the day gets. Who cares about those small little things that come by and bother you halfway of the day..small little annoying things that surface when youre really happy with something. :) Or perhaps, annoying people. Just laugh it off and shrug it off, things will be just fine. I promise!

Dont be paranoid, thats the key. Its your thoughts that counts, so if you think youre not clever, you definately is stupid! Think positively, always. Hahahs ♥♥ And i realised my tendency to collect empty glass bottles recently. They are so clean and clear and so round and so nice to look at. Ill show u one day my awesome collection!

And dear Onion, youre a blessed girl. Your unique by your own ways, and so many people are around you to support you no matter what. When you shed tears, you are actually throwing your sadness away right? Please throw it ALLLL away then be back to the way you are. You're amazing in your own ways, you're talented, beautiful, and special. Trust me, you will deserve and get something good out of this life.

It has been harsh on you these few days, but do remember, we are all here for u. We have been constantly talking behind ur back asking if youre okay. Planning master plans to make u show ur white straight teeth HEEHEEHEE :D

I know right now what u need is answers and everything, but, whats better is, youre only 18. Life has so much more surprises for you. :)

I teman you do whatever you want k, as long as u dont emo d, OK?? (ps. we teman you ber-sushi today, happy anot??) To cheer u up leh :)

Roses are red, Violets are blue,
If there was a person u need, im always here for you. ♥

YOURE A BEAUTIFUL GIRL. DONT LET ANYONE BRING YOU DOWN!

Your cheerful cute moon face is our joy, and ur sorrows is ours too. We are all here to back u up if u need us, i promise. Nanny wont lie, ♥

Ill protect u till the end. But u must protect urself first, remember. World is kinda mean sometimes, you just have to bear with it. When life gives you lemons, take the lemon and throw it to jerks who hurt your feelings. If not enough, i give u my lemons, i got damn alot. :) Or i collect from 14a, Dom35, Dom39, A1 family, and ur Ji Muis and my friends,and ur friends,ur family, den we all together go whack the jerk, ok? SMILE. We care. You must always remember, we are ALWAYS here.

TAKE CARE. I wan see ur smiley face, and never lose your smile. Cos you will never know who is going to fall in love with your smile.

Somebody say this looks familiar =.=''

SMILE YAP JIN NIAN, SMILE. ♥

ive come to realise my teenage years are almost over

2011-03-25T08:17:00.000-07:00

From some time ago, i present you the teenage me. ♥

You think I'm pretty
Without any make-up on
You think I'm funny
When I tell the puch line wrong
I know you get me
So I'll let my walls come down, down.

Soon enough, i cant be your teenage dream anymore. =/ im gonna go join the twenteens and be old and cranky and complain everyday about how torturing their life is...studying and being occupied all the time. =/

i dont wanna leave my teenage years! time please pass slower, or other way, reverse time. I still haven do all the things i wanted to do in my teenage years, i think?

FRIDAY!!! ♥v♥

me miss mummy after this post.

2011-03-19T04:45:00.000-07:00

Season of food is long over, and when i mean season of food, i literally mean CNY. A little backdated but its okay la. I just needed to make myself hungry looking at the food pictures and stuff. Training endurance hahas.

But before i start putting pictures up of food and more food, i think i better tell you people first from which Planet i came from, okay? Im from Malacca, yes the historical city. Though they keep calling Malacca historical city i still dont get the historical feeling of it, cos when i go A famosa or anywhere in town all i see is tricycles with LIKE A G6 LIKE A G6 song playing, soooo historical. Ang mo's must be wondering what kind of rojak are we >(

Both my parents is from Malacca thus making me a Nyonya, which means im part of the historical thingi, but dont ask me anything. I dont know. Maybe nice food, yes. :) Just yesterday people asked me whether Baba Nyonya's are Malay or what.. and they googled it anyway. Seems like we came from mixture of malay n chinese but we are still chinese. Amazing. O.O I still dont know the answer but definately i am perfectly chinese. Just minus the chinese language and chinese food. hahaha.

And i speak Malay, yes i do. Any Malaysian do, but perhaps as a chinese i speak it more with my mom. My dad ego, i speak malay to him he answer in english =.=

My mom, especially, is very proud of being a Nyonya and she love portraying herself as a Nyonya. She even pre order those beaded shoes and kebaya nyonya style. Im proud of my mom too, and im happy to have her as my mom cos she cooks such goooddd food. :)

pretty! but i dont like closed heels. my toes hurt. :(

so amazing how they can sew such awesome stuff =O

Such patience to sew so many tiny beads. =.=

This year my family is not allowed, traditionally to celebrate CNY cos my grandpa's sister who is technically my grandma cos ive been seeing her every chinese new year since i was born..So..yea.. But. My mom still do give red packets cos she got too much money -.- i dont know why either. She just feeling generous i guess. Its not disrespecting the deceased but we are kinda far so..yea..

Even my aunties was like, "aiya..nevermind la..small kids dunno anything..let them get angpao la.."

WAH. Nobody wan save money wan ha. I thought adults just waiting for the moment to skip the giving angpao part??!

By all means of respect, we, or maybe just me, didnt wear red (ok la..i din buy...-.-) on CNY. I was in like, full green. Go greeeen :)

some old mirror in my grandpa room, i very scared if something pops out o.o

my camera has more of her face den my own -.-

And this year we made an effort to gather on the first day of CNY and visit our grandparents grave. :) If i die already next time. PLEASE HA, come visit me. Ill be waiting one. I promise i wait. U dont come den i come find u, swear. *smirk

my sister, mom and me chilling at the grave .___.

Its such a bright sunny day that day. It didnt rain, and i believe its a sign that grandpa n grandma is happy up there, watching us grow into beautiful girls and handsome boys. Blessing us and watching us from up there :)

I always very scared to do something wrong, because i got this lame feeling that my grandparents are watching me from up there and they will punish me for everything i did wrong or any wrong thoughts i have. Im scared when the final judgement day come i dont know how to face them =( So ill be real good right now and help others like how they have thought me and my parents. :)

can u see my entire green outfit now :) HAPPY CNY!

dad throwing coin to ask grandpa whether hes satisfied with the food or not. he so red -.-

have you eatennn!!! xDD

I dont know whether its just Malacca ppl doing this, but we can ask the deceased whether they are happy with the food or not by flipping two coins. and if both shows heads, means that they are satisfied. Usually there is the special appratus(?) used for it. Like a half moon shape, two of it too, but we cincai la. use coin. XD zaman technology :O

But i think maybe if both tails, bad. hahaha. But we got one head one tails at first throw, my aunties say it means grandpa n grandma is smiling at us. AND they are not done feasting. haha. :)

Lucky thing the next round we got both heads, which means we can go homeeeee :)

I love my mom more than anything! ♥

It was the hardest leaving her and coming here to study. Im so used to sitting down or just sleeping next to her telling her about everything that happens in my life. I never get bored listening to her advice and nagging. Okay maybe sometimes when she gets overboard but most of the time i can fall asleep listening to her tales. :) Shes my bestfriend and shes my mom. :)

fatty and daddy

Besides mommy, i miss daddy too. I miss his nagging to ask me study more, to ask me to go exercise so that ill be healtier, and his nagging asking me to wear long pants cos hes so afraid of mosquito's biting me. Yeah, really. Thats my superficial dad.

He will be angry at me when i get a mosquito bite, he'll get angry at me when i fall and have scars on my leg, he'll get angry at me when i get hurt in any manner. I remember once i sprained my middle finger from rugby.

YES, rugby. I know what girl plays that but my friends are mostly, well, boys. And im treated like a boy too i guess, theres nothing wrong with playing that. Just less ramming into someone and grabbing the ball la maybe. But that day i missed the ball, instead it hit my fingers and my finger got twisted somehow. I thought i was going to die. SO PAIN.

Yeap it swelled so badly. I think my dad emo me for a week. =.= He totally ignored me! And u know what he told me? Dont go play sports already, its all boys stuff. You wan sport go jog ni. ONLY JOGGING.

I remember each and every pain i went thru la. But i still do play after that anyway, just not so..ganas anymore. HAHA.

Thats all for CNY. I think ill skip food part, cos im errr.. hungry.

Yee Sang with the family can never go wrong. :) And only this year i know your supposed to say good things when u lou the yee sang. FOR 20 years of CNY we have been quiet wei. -.-''

I eventually found out when i went CNY dinner with baby's family. Hahaha, it was pretty awkward that i shut up the whole time i guess. =x

Happy rabbit year everyone? :)

CYW; Change Your World.

2011-03-17T14:24:00.000-07:00

There is so many thoughts in my mind right now, that if i dig it all out and throw it out and line it up, it will kinda similar like the rush hour jam we Malaysians face everyday of our life. I wonder when is it that rush hours will be..um..chill hours. I can see the government is not going to do anything about it anymore cos even radio broadcasts are coming out with rush hour time broadcast to soothe drivers. P/S, not working wei..=.= I feel even more stress when those irritating songs come out den this ass driver cut my line T.T

Anyways, the thoughts that has been lingering was about uni, exams, more exams, of course, and coming events im being forced to go and perform, and uni's annual dinner is coming! For girls, annual dinner is like something important la i think, but i feel like hiding in a hole right now. For the right reasons dont worry. When the dinner comes ull know why. Keep guessing.

Talking about events, im so proud of myself, to be able to lend a helping hand in organising and playing a part to make things happen in Change Your World 2011 :) Probably many already saw the photos uploaded on FB but hey, i made an effort to tell u bout it okay! Credits to photographers :)

the stage layout and whole hall layout was perfect. I loved every light effect and even the sound effects were so amazing!

Its not a big event, i think perhaps a thousand guests is possible. Perhaps more. Because when i did the hall traffic it was =.=, people come in from all sorts of directions and when u try to shoo them away to the front seats so that its filled and later it will be easier for other ppl, they just refuse to move. And another thing, they are Russians and some foreign people, makes it even harder to communicate.

There was this once i was explaining myself using hand language to a bunch of gentlemen. Cos when i say please go there please go there they are like, no u come here and sit with us, yes? Well good to know that russians do have simple basic English understanding at least. I think i stood there 5 mins stunned and speechless. I din manage to make them change anyway. lol. I just oh, have a nice day, enjoy the concert and walked off. Not fierce enough :(

Team A Ushers & Security Boys :)
spot Vince Chong :)

Of course when theres concert theres always something to look forward to, besides good looking boys and girls, of course, people who perform! :) Vince Chong came all the way from Malaysia just to perform for this charity concert, and honestly i was anticipating him. Whatttt, i never felt what was it like to be standing right next to a superstar what. Jakun, what to do. Go google him la if you people dont know. :) Awesome, and i really love his sense of humour. HAHA, trying so hard to ask "how are you" in russian. =DD

Vince Chong & Juwita Suwito

Juwita was also another performer who came that night, her voice is awesome :) I never knew where she was from or how she looked like exactly, before the concert started, while rehearsing and running around in the hall, i think she was sitting right beside me and i didnt know. I was thinking she looked familiar =.= FAIL YY FAIL. But she has an amazing voice :)

If i grow up next time i wanna be able to do such charity works to help people too! I wanna spend some time putting effort into something that well..can help the less fortunates. I AM WILLING. I promise, just give me the chance, okay? (:

NUTEKI, russian artists.

See soooo cool their light effects omggg. They were singing rock songs and then suddenly there was like a blackout on stage, i saw people running here and there. And suddenly, when the guitar strummed, POOFFF. Lights! I somehow always liked light effects, hahaha. So cool! One of my favorite performance for that night. I saw them rehearsing, but the light effects was just a plus point hahaha XD

SOOOO YENGGG!!!! :D:D

:)))) *LIKE LIKE LIKE*

Besides artists and more singers or bands, there was even our own medical students performing that night. Again. One of my favorite. YEEAAAA. its like simply impossible to not make them your favorite really!

ELECTROHOPPERS <3

I think i screamed the most when they performed. HAHA. Because they were really amazing! If you see them dance you'll scream even louder i promise. :D Sorry Jeff, made u deaf for one moment. I remember the twins and chuansi was like, wahhhh yy so high pitch u scream. Only time u can go crazy is at a concert hall where nobody can recognize u but your own friends. hahaha :)

of course, wherever i go there she is :)
proud to have you around. <3

whats with the Pepsi O.O

our MASSAD president who has been constantly ~~bullying~~ visiting me and asking me;
"so hows my singing sensation today?" even in uni T.T

p.s. kugs, if ur reading this, if i screw up, ur so screwed. ill push u from 15th floor.

There was also other small performances like CROSSROADS, from M1! They are all very very talented but i dont know why i cannot find pictures of them (or im just lazyyyyy). Many more other performances but i really loved these few for their uniqueness :) <3

Alot of pictures here and there, but i lazy to go FB find and then start saving and stuff, its okay, as long as you people reading know what im up to these days, its cool. :) At least now you would have known who is VINCE CHONG and who is JUWITA SUWITO. See i giving u knowledge.

oh and this is us stealing from the party packs. Caught in action.

The party packs was lined up behind the sofa where the photography and signature session was, but soon after we were fooling around with the balloon and stealing food from party packs cos...we were pretty hungry. I wanted to eat KFC so much that night but seems like its late and its more troublesome. SO I WENT BACK HUNGRY and dreadfully missing KFC.

Lucky next day, in the morning, people teman me go eat. BOOOOO you people who dont want to go with me. =P

CHANGE YOUR WORLD 2011. :)
we all have this wristband in our gift packs. and i find it cool lor. :)

Glowsticks remind me of something, wait i find.

guess who? if im not mistaken, i really really disliked this person at that time.
now i dont think i like this person either.

Memories of the past that may come back and haunt you, let go. When you learn to let go, you'll learn to forgive. And when you learn to forgive, a huge load of burden is lifted off your shoulders. :)

Im learning, give me time. (:

Thats all for CYW, and some memories. :)

6.24am.

2011-03-15T15:35:00.000-07:00

hellllloooooo world! <3
and shit i realised i forgot bring sunnies =O

Its your time in Malaysia, not mine, and im in total darkness right now, because roomie Onion is sleeping already, or at least, trying to sleep. Im sure shes missing her King, cos emo CINA songs are playing. They kinda remind me of those u know..ghost story. la la la la wo lai liao or something i dunno =.=

I pray that she is strong and the distance wont tear them apart, :) I realised all boys have the same and obviously equal problem of not spending enough time or just it never crossed their mind that we actually want them to just randomly call us or do something to contact us, though the distance. Perhaps we are a sensitive bunch of ovaries =(

You readers must pray for me too okay? Ok la. No need pray for me. Pray for boys to be more sensitive and caring and they actually put in effort to see us, or at least call us or Skype us, despite their busy schedule. Okay? *winks*

Anyway. Im here cos i cannot stand reading my own emo post last few days, im grateful to those who came and ask if im okay, i really am okay now. Just temporal PMS moments and coughLONELYcough. Need some attention cough.

:) will come up with proper post soon. I have alot of accumulated pictures.

ugly pictures shoo ppl away =(

AND SIBEH DULAN I STOMACH PAIN WHOLE DAY =.= im grumpy today.

ps. woi pig..go study.

pps. spring = muddy = shoes dirty = wet socks = emo

ppps. omg auditions. omg battle of the bands. omg :(

ease my worries, take away my troubles.

2011-03-12T13:49:00.001-08:00

i need time to heal.

not something happy.

2011-03-12T02:22:00.000-08:00

Its not easy, not easy at all, tolerating and giving in, expecting and receiving disappointing results in the end.

It gets harder later on, when you take a deep breath and dive deep into yourself, and you start asking questions. Your conscience says its all okay, your heart dont agree. This isnt right. I dont deserve this.

Waking up in the morning, with all high hopes, expecting something so simple to happen and it doesnt. Just a simple reply, how hard could it be.

Ive forgiven enough..and im not going to sell my pride away for you who dont respect my pride and my needs. Forgetting isnt a reason, if i was someone important, you will try with all your might, but you dont. Your friends matter more.

Perhaps you forgot. Im the girl, and youre the boy. My heart is more fragile than your ego.

they got married!

2011-02-27T12:42:00.000-08:00

They got married, yes. Who? Just read on and you'll see :)

It was a beautiful sunny day with the sun smiling all over us. There were birds singing in the sky and ants peeping through their ant holes just to watch the amazing event! It was going to be such beautiful fairytale. :)

Okay, i lazy compose nonsense d. Let you see pictures. I dont know why but i find these sequence of pictures seems to tell a story of their marriage, seriously. And the bride's wearing red, groom is wearing really, formal. hahaha. So since i so dak han and i dowan to keep the pictures. Might as well i make it into a blog post then...ill have more space in my harddisk!! XD

here comes the groom and bride, :)

JK: are u ready my dear?
ADE: YESH I AMMM!!! :D:D:D ahaha
JK: OK LETS GO. :D

jk heart beating super fast. xD

groom and bride in action. :)
he prepares himself, staring into his in-law house, thinking to himself. dammit im gonna be married. HAHA

still nervous but acting chill. :P

oh yaa. must give angpao. HAHAHA. :DD
*takes out wallet and money*

:D:D:D:D

helllllooo son in law is hereeeeeee!!!!

ang pao time, and time for inlaws to look at him properly and give him all the "better take care of my daughter properly" stuffs xDD

in law's looks satisfied :) AND JK IS HAPPYYY. *finds for his wife*

here is she, and he is happy. :)
*thinks to himself* damn. im lucky. :P

hes happy :) very very happy. ♥

still smiling...hahahha. his jaws are getting tired from all the smiling, definitely.

happy bridesmate giving a peace sign. HAHHA.
lemme translate, it means : YAY I GOT MARRIED. ♥

And thats the story of how THEY got married. Both of them, both is my best friend, both pun i sayang. :) Ok la i sayang adeline more :P Cos JK always bully me ask me to lose weight. He wants all girl to be as skinny as Adeline then oni the world will be a perfect place. HAHA.

And photographer of the day,

♥

Credits also to: My other half.. for driving me around, all the time. To all the important events of my life. It all happens when youre around baby :) hehehe.

p.s. sticks and stone may break my bone, but words, (especially yours) will never hurt me. HAH. It will hurt u instead cos youre just keeping grudge against silly matter. Remember Lot's wife? :)

p.p.s. i got jealous today. jealousy is a good thing lah ok. means i care. =P

p.p.p.s its been a rather unproductive weekend. TABLE FASTER COMEEEE

MOF not MOS

2011-02-25T05:43:00.000-08:00

Today, is Friday..and the word Friday. Makes i, happy.

So, yes. I was in uni today, examining slides for histology and learn all over again about cytoplasms and nucleus and all that. Okay perhaps a little refreshing needed but i basically know what they do or what they actually look like. I can sketch em out of u want me to. Just draw one bulat den another bulat den done lor.

Its just that life isnt that easy now. faham faham lah.

Ah, after tutorials was Physics lecture. Have i ever told you that i hated Physics? Thats why when local U offered electrical engineering to me i was like WTG PHYSICS??!!

I skipped lecture after tutorials. .__. And so i heard there was a commotion between people who wanna help us skippers to mark attendance and people who dont wanna help but feels its unfair to them and its only fair if we skippers dont get attendance marks. Hmms. Why la so emotional people these days.

I pray for change. .__. Im sure we are praying together right? :)

On a brighter note, I found desserts picture in my computer! ohemmmggg.

greentea ice cream with yams and red bean and everything nice.
got 4 spoon. means its 2 pairs.

baby&i, and him&she, been spending time like forever together. -.-

:) Im happy that my best girlfriends are with my best guy friends (cough carmen&phun cough)..and we are able to hang out together always! And im even more grateful that they are willing to spend time with me when at times, they can just go out and enjoy themselves. :D

MOF is in Pyramid. NO not MOS, MOF. Go google it, you might find it somewhere :)

balls =OOO

I sincerely like anything round like this. Or any sort of balls. That can be eaten, of course.

I cant remember what brought us here, but i think Adeline or JK came up with the plan. Was originally shopping with him, then we met up and went for desserts :D

while waiting the other lovebirds trying on clothes.
i think you just cut your hair right baby? <3 ive always liked short haired boys :P

People tend to grow more when they are pampered. Yes i did grew. Indirectly, i was too pampered by him. Food, love, laughter. Thats all it takes to grow. And trust me, the results is interesting. HAHA. =)

JINEE I SHARED MY SECRET OF HOW I GROW D. =P UR TURN!!

ahhhhh <3

ahhhhhhhhh-er.
lol. din notice the slippers till now. O.O

Im happy, just looking at us.:)

SPRING IS COMING

2011-02-24T06:04:00.000-08:00

...MEANS ITS GONNA BE WARMER. =)

Yesss, spring is coming. Finally cold windy winter days are going to be over. I somehow didnt expect winter to be as cold as this when i imagining myself touching the snow. Those days..-.-

Now i know why seniors told us, you perhaps might just like the first sight of snow. And when we ask why? They said..."you'll know". =.= endless days of thick clothes and dark days. very bad. .__.

Im supposed to update hows life right now for u to read, but life gets pretty boring so. Hi, and Bye.

p.s. ignorant mode, on. ignorant in a good way.

p.p.s. i like challenge. bring it on! see the word "fighter" on my forehead?

p.p.p.s. nonsense post. to be deleted when im free to come up with another

goddesses in my lappie

2011-02-18T13:04:00.000-08:00

whennnnn is my resttttt dayyyy comingggg =((((

Its Friday! I really have to thank god its friday for this week seriously. Its been a super busy week, just as soon as i touchdown at Domodedovo airport in Moscow i think from that moment everything had to go fast forward times three. Rush here and there like nobody's business...and im friggin tired. All the rushing is making me sick. =(

Theres nobody to cheer me up like when im in Msia when im in Moscow..and now my dearest Khai Sze is leaving tooooo. SAD WEEK. I DONT LIKE. emooooooooooooooe.

I need santas to come pop into my window and sing me lullaby . Yesssss ill get to stick more santa dolls in front of me :D I feel more blessed with santa's watching me study. Random .___.

Its very tiring to rush things here and there, plan things here and there and your brain just keeps moving and moving and running like its on life marathon. Endorphin booze please, i need. :( I feel a large heavy wave is just coming to hit me den ill be so dead coma in bed. Bless me with more strength, i need em.

(refer to title)

I took pictures of Goddess-es to keep in my lappie so maybe they work miracles. Lavish me with happiness and prosperity and great lymphatic system so that u know...i be strong n healthy!! :)

so gold O.O

I forgot which is which edric...=s He told me i think, which is for what.. i think middle one is health??

the chicken has chicks around it!!!! XDXD

Funny thing, i was like roaming the exhibition..and taking pictures of almost everything there. And when i was done and bored taking photo, the lady came. CIK!!! TAK BOLEH AMBIK GAMBARRR!! I just give her the "im sorry ill leave now wont do it again" look then i left feeling so satisfied lol. So mean ah me? o.o

The exhibition was at Midvalley, i forgot main reason why i was there, but i just remember eating alot of food with baby that day and the funniest part of the day was watchin a XL fitting almost-there-man into an M size kiddo shirt, while the worker watch him force himself into it with terror.

he thinks the bunny is cute.

Pie; OMG i cannot move my arms. its gonna tear..=O

And you still wonder why ah pie pie, whyyyyyy are u singleeeee? To all interested, hes very available. Please take him and go. He's all yours..and hes straight.

One thing good about him is he's camera friendly. He likes taking picture of all this "proud" moments..Imma be proud of u for one sec okay pie pie. .___.

that day too, baby has this weird craving i think. he dying for famous amos suddenly.

I kept on insisting that i was so so full from dinner, and he wants to get chocolate chip COOKIES summo..dont bother asking why i grew sideways while i was in Malaysia. All his fault. Partly my mom. =D

Its not even a week and im already missing Malaysia!

Im now kinda disturbed with the rumours saying the healthcare professionals grads from overseas are not up to Malaysian standard. I dont know if its the system problem, or its the students. Or its just the university itself. Or maybe because we graduates who are adapted to overseas system dont know the Malaysian development of healthcare system. I dont know. Or is it just us..not paying enough attention to grad properly with proper knowledge. I dont know.

I just know..that i go with prayers. I pray that all matters will be solved soon, stop the rumours, true or not true. If theres trouble, try to stop it, or overcome it. Even minimizing it might help. Dont just sit there and say you'll do something but nothing is being done at all. :)

I just need one simple hug..and tell me, everything will be alright, sincerely. Ill be happy.

says it: we're growing old, day by day. i even have wrinkles!

p.s. 6 egg tart stealer. are u there? :) i miss you! i know u stalk me one. hahahaha =P

p.p.s fml. its dam blardy cold and its damn sunny at the same timeeeeeee. =(

your shocking yet awesome 21st, by yy ♥

2011-02-17T08:46:00.000-08:00

Spent my last month back in Malaysia. Seems like time flew pass me in a blink of an eye. Make me remember all the good things please. Or perhaps. Its all stuck in my mind =)

I probably cherish more those short moments spent with my loved ones this time compared to any other holidays. Its true. That distance makes the heart grow fonder. I can miss the most annoying sister. Some sort of miracle =.=

:) It was all worth it, the rushing before exams, the hard work to clear all subjects before i go back..because this Winter holidays was CNY, baby's birthday, Vday, and i can spend more time with them, rather than rot here. I mean i do have friends here, but..ya. :)

But something worth looking forward to in my this winter holiday is baby's 21st :) EYYYYYY, din i tell you birthdays were important? You can forget to lock the doors but youre unforgivable if you cant remember birthdays!

Venue : Gardens, Sunway Pyramid.

so so pretty right? I love pretty environments. This Garden beats Delicious MidValley weih. =D

And heres the pretty 21 year old birthday boy, clueless of what he was about to go through that night. =)

See my sexy 21 year old birthday boy so happy :) i feel happy too. :D

Okay, it wasnt my idea to make baby wear that bright red thing, it was Carmen's.. Haha. But i spotted the shining bulu bulu gown :D So cute. hahahaha. And we fell in love with it at first sight!

As usual, to scam birthday boy, its pretty difficult. You need to make up good excuses so that he cant question u again and again. But at times, my reasons sooo dont make sense but he accepts it.

That evening before i manage to persuade him to go Pyramid for lunch, he was at my house. I was in front of my lappie, and obviously ill open my FB when i come online. I created FB event to invite everyone for the surprise, but at that moment, I TOTALLY FORGOT...-.-''

Only when i open and saw the updates i quickly shut it off, hoping baby didnt see anything. But he saw my shocked face and my immediate action to shut FB. So he asked why?? Why dowan open your FB?? Of course he would ask..look like i was keeping some scandal in there so he cant see or something. *feeling guilty* hahaha

My answer was my father dont like me see facebook. Cos coincidently my dad came and say hi and everything and went off. He accepted that answer. .__. Ok la maybe coincidently my dad came around and said hi. hahaha. If he told me that answer i sure suspect something. HAHA. =P =P

but everything went well, and he managed to get be surprised, and blew his 21 biji cute cupcakes =)

bunnie babies <3

i wonder how does it feel like to be smothered with cake for 2 years in a row. :DDDD

cos i only know how it feels like to clean your face 2 years in a row. LOL.

bunnie baby's pimp face with all girls =O and adoi. i look so messy O.O'''

well. red dress is seducing =x even boys cant hesitate! <3

hmmmmm. ._____.

pretty place :)

on second thought, i want my wedding to be flowery like this! and simple =)
i dont need grand villas or resort, just a simple flowery sweet wedding with people i love around, celebrating that joyous moment. Hmm. GOOD PLAN xD

what? I day dreaming cannot ah. =P

kisses for YY? ♥

you make me laugh too much sometimes adeline :P

:) happy birthday my dear. May your life be blessed with joy and happiness no matter where you are. :)

and i have to thank my bff for being my partner in crime this time ♥

Those who came :) Thank you guys for making the surprise a success. :')

Though the people who attended wasnt as many as last year's surprise, its still memorable! ♥

I made bunneh happy that night. :)

Your presence still lingers around me like my shadow though the distance.

Love you once, love you still. ♥

theres more to everything

2011-01-25T13:52:00.000-08:00

I cannot sleep and its like 4.55am Malaysia time. Damn jet lag, its getting to me. Creepy thing is i reached Msia like, 2 weeks ago? Im having this trouble recently, perhaps previously i was much tired and sleeping whole day and now when i want to get a proper pampering beauty sleep ON TIME i just cant seem to shut my damn eyes =(

But anyway, this week has been pretty productive. I even visited the dentist. They are scary i tell you (!!). Ive always had trauma's (note the plurality) visiting and going for regular checks at the dentist. When i was a kid, or any single digit age, i run and hide when my dad like announce that the weekend is going to be reserved for VISITS to the dentist.

Once, i hid under my dusty bed and got screwed real bad cos my parents thought i went missing. Like seriously? =.=

Well i cannot explain my silly actions but one thing i can tell you, dentists office are just so calm and chill it gives me creeps. And im still not over it. Adoi, 20 years old. ._____.

Yes! Im alive after my visit today, and i have freshy clean white teeth like Darlie man :O Due to this, i googled Darlie man right here, and found out really, it was called DARKIE. But due to racist remarks they changed it to Darlie. O.O

My theory of hei ren ya kao (it was a random joke, swear -.-) was correct. Eat that life!! Cos i have many indian friends who have really white teeth and i always ask them, you use Darlie? Noh, not all of them do. Some uses Fresh& White. I feeling like a toothpaste elaborator atm. -.-

On the other hand/foot, ive been productive by indulging in good food. yes nothing healthy ever tastes good so. whatever.

Life can never go bad with food :D

char kuey teow. mmmmmmmmhmm.

this iz yummeh. but whats special? DUCK EGG is used. yummmeh-eir

I found this amazing god's gift when i was hungry one day with him, and poof it became my favorite char kuey teow in my life. Mom say she wanna learn. Beh song i like it more than i like her char kuey teow. HAHA. :D

I sorta ate all the food that i missed with baby, except those which requires my mom to cook and he is at Nilai studying his ass off, (haha) but most outside food that i missed, was his fault. He bring, he buy, he make me eat. So now if i miss, he make me miss one!! emoeee.

OMG WTF BBQ internet slow like snail. Continue later la. heh :D Will update more on how to gain weight easily in one month. Boys i KNOW u want to know my secrets.

Take care, see you bye bye chai jian!

was on hiatus cos im on vacation :)

2011-01-21T13:28:00.000-08:00

I knows, and im sorrys, for all the delays and the MIA's :)

cos we're back :DD
p.s. sorry ugly face. din sleep for very long d.

Well, as much as many knows, i am back in Malaysia! Yes i know right..right after my I MISS MALAYSIA post im already back in Malaysia. So lucky. My parents must be stalking me. :O

But i still wanna thank daddy and mommy, for everything they have sacrificed to just make sure im happy and safe. You will never know how many times my dad called just to confirm when am i coming back. Like he planning some huge celebration for me only. :) I love you daddi and mommy. :) *hugs*

That one special day, a flight ticket appeared magically on my bag. So i packed and head back to Malaysia, where all and MOST of my loved onces are. Hey, i do have loved onces in Moscow okay? MFA1 family, chitreenatchad ahhh, and many many more :))

i cannot believe too when i saw the ticket appeared magically on my bag! *jumps with joy*

partner in crime <3

Ok la, i actually planned this long time ago. I didnt actually plan to come back this time of the year, cos i will have to rush for credit exams, and i have to get auto pass for Philosophy, which means study extra hard, fail means gg, cannot pass also means gg. SOOOO, this was a very very tough decision and i did it!

Why? Many reasons, main one was.. well, i miss my mom and dad really alot. I still cannot accept the fact that i dont get to see them as often as i do last time. Though its just a glance and my dad always making lame jokes saying im fat, my legs will be infested with mosquito bites if i keep wearing shorts, its still something so mundane in my life. I miss him so! And i miss my mom cooking so so much, my cooking is like hell and hers is like heaven =S

and i miss my mom's care. her love is like no other. i love you mom! :')

The other main part of my reason, was i missed him alot. Yes i know damn nonsense to use this lame reason to come back, but hey..who knows whats gonna happen tomorrow. And i realised its his 21st this year. 21st birthdays are important. Though i cant be with him on the day itself, just spending time with him days before is enough to make me happy.

I wanna be happy to know thats he is happy..and hes happy because of me ;)

feels good to be by your side again.

I know i have not been spending much time doing or thinking about him. So i didnt tell him about my trip back this time. Well i dont know whether he was shocked or not, because basically his reactions are actually quite similar to one another. I tell you, it was like one of the hardest time of my life.

I heard him coming, i heard his voice, i heard his first hello in like months? and all i did was sit there and pretend to be someone else waiting for him to recognise me. hahahaah. And i just had to flash my NAILS for him to recognise me. How awesome my boyfriend is. hahahaha.

Thank you JK for the ride back from KLIA, thank you Edric for the super awesome surprise plan that got Carmen too! hahaha. I had fun :) Thank you and thank you and thank you for keeping my trip back as a secret. I wanted to powcha ALOT time :D

Carmen's reaction was more epic. I turned, "HI CARMENNNN!!!" excitedly. She went. "Hi...." cos she couldnt recognise her best friend =( hahaahha.

I love you guys, hope to see all of you sooooon kays!:) I know i have been busy, cos weekends and public holidays especially, hes free too. Dont blame me. I will surely spare some time for you, :)

So here i am in Malaysia! :) Could you people spend some time and let me tag along to eat some good foooood? :)

somewhere in between

2011-01-06T15:43:00.000-08:00

Between holidays and shopping, i suddenly miss home, i miss being with my loved ones.

I miss just seeing their face everyday, and the smile on their face, greeting me when im back from somewhere, or just seeing their face when they are around.

i miss you most.

i miss having those talks and walks and endless jokes.

i miss this place so much too.

There is nothing better than home, and there will never be a place better than home. Thats where every person ultimately belong i guess. If i had my last hours in this world, my last wish would be i wanna be home with my loved ones and even friends, sitting and talking like theres no tomorrow.

Oh how i wish i wasnt this far. =s

this is overdued

2011-01-04T11:49:00.000-08:00

I owe myself a big smack on the back for procrastinating! *smacks!

Hey i really did smack myself okay. Dont play play, im more serious now, in the year 2011 i want to be more serious and i wanna be a step closer to my dreams.

why? shocked? =.=

Anywayy, its the new year and i do have holidays right now. The Russian system is not like Malaysia's, they have a 10 days holiday straight, just to celebrate the almighty new year and Christmas :) So right now im pretty free and bored till the 10th of January, and then i have exam..great.

holidays means theres meatballs to be eaten!

How can anyone not resist meatballs? Its like my favorite. Perhaps this is the only food that i can eat when i miss the taste back in Msia :D

and the meatballs here is PORK. yesssss. too good! pork for life! lol (no offence meant)

Last Christmas, which means LAST YEAR, 2010, i was helping Martin in decorating our room for the celebration, and it was something new to me, actually, decorating from stratch and making it as pretty as possible without spending excessively!

But we made it by the end of the day. After spending alot of time thinking and working on the smallest things, we made a pretty background, and we even hand made a Christmas tree all by ourselves :)

Martin's idea :)

And with all hard work of everyone, we made the empty cardboard beautiful, plus a shining star on it :)

All our deco was hand painted, and it was self made, none of the materials for deco was bought, i think i can call us enviromental friendly! :) This was done in the early hours of the event, we were so scared we cannot finish in time but, hey, we did! and its awesome..beat that :D

deco team in action! :D

My job for the night was to make cute Santa babies, and more cute things to be hung all over the christmas tree, but end up, we hung it all over the ceiling, dangling Santa's! O.o

I used to fold alot of origami's last time, as time passes i seem to forget and lost interest, its fun when you know when to fold and where to fold. IF i dont, my santa might turn out to be ugly :( and then ill give up and cry. HOW. :P hahaha

:) my favorite F1 santa!

i rock.

:* :)

and hey, my roommate makes a good origami maker. :D

see, snowflakes!

We lasted the night, and then i slept cos i was too tired. The next morning woke up and sambung my work. I was so tired that day, all the rushing and anxiety. SO hard to handle but thank god, i passed that obstacle and celebrated christmas merrily :)

spot santa with mustard on his janggut :O

There is actually more behind the scenes stories like where did i sleep if my room was used for the event, and everything else,but lazy la. I know what i know and you know what i want you to know then good d lor hor. Dont need me to be so sampat and tell everybody, but if you really wanted to know. ASK. easy ni mah.

K bye bye i very tired. Wan sleep dy.. :)

p.s. I MISS BABY JCO. :( Theres no donut like you, baby jcos. Sigh.

and i miss the person who brings me baby jco's. whyyyyyyyy im stuck here like thissssss. =s

cause its you and me and all other people :)

2011-01-03T15:30:00.000-08:00

Hello world :)

Its been an amazing new year wasnt it? Had your new year celebration?? And happy starting school to school kids :P and bye bye little sister! have fun in National Service :) make me proud! shoot some ass for me :D

i missed new year celebration with baby n bffs.

thats not me. -.- my sister.

But thank you for calling me before countdown :) I had wishes from all of them over the phone! I was pretty touched, i almost cried before eating my KFC -.- cos too happy. It was like 6 something evening here in Moscow when they were count down ing in Curve. I pissed JK off cos over the phone i thought he was Jinee. WHO ASK U ACT LIKE GIRL. only jinee does that usually. o.O''

But line was terrible, i got cut off the phone line, and i didnt hear any fireworks :( But its okay! Just the wishes made me happy, :) Thank you guys, i miss all of you dearly.

I myself had somehow a new year out of Malaysia, yet i felt empty still without my family and friends there. I had a white new year. Yes it has been snowing everyday!!! New environments always is harder to adapt, i need time =x but still, i had fun with my new family right here :)

emo swan family ;)

no jeffrey, shirt tucked in means neat and tidy, listen to mummy. LISTEN. *Pulls ear

I went Vision 11 looking like a nanny, i just realised. Must be the legging and whatever. oh my tuhan =.=

WHYYYYYY i didnt realise the legging made me look like a nanny. Call me nanny YY. :)

Oh, vision 11 is like, a yearly thing, where we go and pray for better days in this year and give thanks to years before, for all the lessons they gave, for all the lemons they threw to us, and for all the happiness that grew, also, for all the love that was found and lost.

We have to thank every good and bad thing, no matter how bad was it, it somehow did made you who you are today. Be thankful! :)

nanny yy and her two naughty kids

nanny's favorite child

nanny and friends watching her two kids playing round

*serious face*

I have this disability to make a serious face in front of the camera when people ask me to make a serious face. Only can be caught candid. So there you go! LOL. Rare stuff.

ah boi ah, wear scarf not like that la. nanny gives long naggy lectures

wtf man, yy seriously like nanny.

:) I had fun at Vision, though i was very very very hungry. Really, i was so hungry and dizzy by the time they serve the 11pm dinner? -.-'' Onion was even more pissed she was giving the FTG face.

damn.

The food looks brighter than sunshine and golder than my mother's necklace man when it was served.

I didnt attend Vision for the food la, but still, talks has always been boring, and worse, talks makes me hungry. But they shared lots of interesting stories and motivational stuffs :) I should benefit and 2011 should be much inspiring, more excitement. :D

its going to an interesting months ahead, watch me.

Nothing is really impossible, really :) Have a blessed year ahead loves! <3

p.s. everyones turning gay anyway.

jeff you gay boy. why is everyone turning gayyyy.

2011, please be easy on me :)
2012, please don come so fast! let me enjoy teenhood. LOL

this is getting strange

2010-12-29T08:49:00.000-08:00

Find me the answers to my questions!

I woke up this morning feeling really, cold and warm inside. But i was late for class, again. My next year resolution will be getting a really efficient morning wake up call. Maybe i need Martin's gay voice to wake me up.

Yes i heard it Martin, it was dam funny. Remember Christmas eve? HAHA. :P

see Martin. gay boy.

and we was scolding each other at that time i think? for no reason..o.o

Oh yes, i spent my Christmas eve with my classmates this year. :) We self-organise a potluck style buffet dinner. With loads of Malaysian food, and especially gay boy above, he can cook well. Good curry and good food. Perhaps Emo Swan's crew might sell curry next year? :D

I had my White Christmas, a really deep white one, and it felt, normal. I feel indifferent? O.o

We had games, and simple gift exchange, and everything simple. Though it was simple i felt happy, cheering over and over again with them all. Id wish everyone would be as close as they was, as they are right now :) If i was a plain green Christmas tree, they would be the silver balls and lightings around me. =)

:) thank you mohana dor the lovely picture <3

I count on them not only when i need to find a source to copy homework from, also when i need people to talk or to disturb. Each and every one of them makes really some sort of impact in chitreenatshad ahhh. :)

When youre down, write to yourself a letter, write all your thoughts down. And throw it away. Give your troubles away.

passa statusa (copyright yy)

2010-12-28T16:32:00.000-08:00

And maybe it's time to change

And leave it all behind

I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try

So why does it feel so wrong

To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life

What am I waiting for?

'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change

Sick puppies was the band who sang this song :) Title, maybe. :)

Maybe it really is time to change!

Recently lots of random emotions have been going through me, if i was to paint it in the colors of the rainbow i dont think i would be enough either.

I used to have more feelings towards everything, i used to feel more alive and feel more talkative but seems like the feelings faded, i lost the essence or something. Too much fun maybe, or too much philosophy?

I dont have much things to say anymore, my mouth like lazy to move already. Brain lazy and body tired. I prefer to just stone and do nothing at all, anywhere, like floating on cloud nine but not on the good side, perhaps the gloomier side. Im afraid if one day a cloud will follow me around and strike me with lightning, bahh.

I suddenly thought being passive was kinda fun too. I wanna be a rock now. Not rockstar. But a real hard to break and tough rock. Such immense ignorance, i think isnt hard to be. Let go, move on, let life pass by. Like instant cake mix. I will be in this state for quite awhile i think. Lets call it Passa Statusa. :)

Is it possible to lead a flourishing life without drama? no puede, por que?

Jinee, the epic story teller

2010-12-24T06:12:00.000-08:00

Have you met Jinee? Hes an epic story teller. Not those nerdy monotonous guys who go like, once upon a time bla bla bla and not say anything, but he comes with action.

Photos shall explain. :) I found these in my computer and i laughed like hell :3

It was the beginning of Phun and Carmen, and so... we coincidently organised a trip to Hot Springs, which is somewhere in Perak. I was of course, in baby's car, so i dont know how exactly the situation in Phun's car was, but this is how Jinee described it. HAHA.

He comes out from the car, laughing, saying:

"eh dam funny i was like a super lightbulb in phun's car,AND i think i also did screamed like a little girl when he exceeds 90km/h...holy shit dat was scary."

fuh thank god its over. i thought i was going to die.

but i dam pity phun leh....he drive like he chao gan all the way...

cos Carmen was like laying on his shoulders all the way,like this, sleeping too soundly..

suddenly when Carmen wake up d ah, and then she sits back up properly...waaaa, i almost pee-ed in my pants again

cos...PHUN FLEW ALL THE WAY TO HOT SPRINGS LIKE superman weiiiii. FUH *adores*

:)

Jinee is the funniest friend ive ever had, i miss his lame stuffs and annoying face! If you were here in Moscow youll have six packs, know why ee? cos right, the weather very cold den will freeze ur fats one. HAHAHA :P

YESSSSSSSSS I MADE IT ALIVEEE

youre missed ;(

Carmen, HEHEHE :) You din know this story right? HAHA. merry christmas darling :)

Merry merry christmas everybody! Have a great Christmas with your loved ones while i miss everyone dear to me right now:(

crap comes when im emotionally not right

2010-12-22T14:01:00.000-08:00

Q: Do you think its logical to judge someone's current mood based on their statuses? Especially girls?

Hmm personally i think its not wise to judge someone through that, cos that might just be something from the inside(personal, 99% wont know what was it all about anyway), or maybe it could be true too, or maybe its just, a mocking to mock someone. I do wonder if mocking is a sin. I dont wanna be trapped in SAW 8? o.O a chainsaw through my brains :O

back to question.

I admit, im guilty of being sappy at times, but hey, aren't we girls always like that? I mean, c'mon, ill fix myself if you can make those boys quit being so insensitive and stuff that girls always complain? As much as i do experience it myself, im pretty sure many other girls would like this if it was a status on Facebook.

Reason why God made Adam and Eve because we are made for each other, yes. WE ARE made for one another, if you'd think your going to die alone, no you wont, just open your eyes a little wider. There, your Prince Charming or your Princess is just standing right over there. Take chances, scrape off some of that knee epidermis, fall for wrong ones and just get back up, move on. You'll find him or her someday.

And even if you dont, theres always Barney Stinson. haha, JOKING k.

I know it sounds simple for me but trust me, its like finding a needle in a haystack IN THE DARK, when emotions is involved. Though i dont get triple or probably double hits everyday on my list, i just need at least, a minority to know that this world needs you, dont give up, dont bring the curtain down because you felt like it. Hold on to those curtain ropes or something, might get you somewhere.

Like what someone told me over a very sucky internet connection, have no expectations over anything. Ive learn my lessons. (note the plural-ness of my sentence) Youve gotta set a bird away,( i mean yea a bird with wings and go chirp chirp), and if it flies back into your arms (literally, i mean if a bird fly to you, you just gotta start running, u know?), you two just belong together.

Its ironic for someone like me to write this now, but this is for all of you people who needs it. I might just cheer you up a little, didnt i? Because i just wanted to cheer up myself too. So kill two birds with one huge stone, i happy, you happy.

ps; why do they wanna kill two birds? why kill birds? =.='' ill Google it right now. bah.

of beautiful celebrations :)

2010-12-20T14:55:00.000-08:00

It was a pretty busy week of celebrations and stuff, well, December has always been like that isnt it. Everyone is rushing in and out for the New Year, and Christmas! :)

and i was busy with exams and tests and whatever was supposed to be done last week, till today. I feel a little less burden on my heavy shoulders. Pretty pissed today when our teacher postponed exam till next week, but im not feeling well to even try to react to the whole blardy situation so, never mind. After all silence is golden.

But the worst will always pass, dont they? :)

Last week was my sayang's sister birthday! Onion's sister, Jin Li!

two blessings in my life right now :)

i can never express enough thank yous for the presence of you two sisters in my life, really.
from the bottom of my heart, thank you, who would guide me if there wasnt the both of you ♥

Happy belated birthday Jie jie Jin Li, though our age is not far apart, yet ive always felt being taken care of by you :) Thank you for just being here in my life and for all the little things you could have probably done for me in my life :) HUGS. I love you very much!!

One thing that attracts me alot during celebrations are always food, and perhaps a little of the gathering feeling. I like it alot, when many close people gather just to celebrate something, even when its as simple as a birthday.

:) Ill die if nobody celebrates my birthday! Seriously. =) Birthdays are very important! So is every single celebrations in your life. :)

nyam nyams :)

There was another yummy food, which was like seafood omelet but i was too hungry so its all in my over sized tummy now. Sighs.

...and when theres party for the rockstar of the night (middle), theres leng luis. ignore guy in front. ;)

spot me :)

hint; top right, looking very happy and not drunk. LOL

Yeap, later on it was some sort of all girls party, and there was home made kareoke, thought mostly was chinese songs, i enjoyed the night, i enjoyed watching everyone having fun :)

I even get to sing "Our Song" by Taylor Swift, SOLO. Must have been horrid, hmms. =s

youre beautiful just the way you are ♥

And on the 18th of December, was my new family in Moscow's Christmas ThanksGiving :)

=) I love each and everyone of you too!!

Im a happy girl here partly because of my A1 family that secretly boost my confidence all the time :)

I think its time for sick girl to go to bed, though im kinda not feeling all righty, i still have this urge to blog! There is so many blessings that came into my life recently :) Yet i have no time to thank all of them, one by one, and tell fairytales about them :)

Existance of angels in my life :) Another time perhaps?

Happy girl that night with her red gift, and bie bie, and bobby ♥

Some things will stay by your side forever because you cherish them, do cherish your loved onces, because if not cherished, you risk losing them. Dont make your carelessness the reason why loved onces slipped off your hands. Because lost time is never found again, and the past always will remain in the past!

Yes i emo Nemo these few days, but DORY is coming to save me right? Come cheer me up Dory :( I need you! Nobody seem to understand what im going thru, maybe because i try to conceal :( But it aint working. bahhhh. how long how long how longggggg i have to bear with this pain. one word, FML.

Be backs with my updates on my SKILLS of decorating. I made my own Santa u know. Sexier one. *wink

if i die young

2010-12-13T00:40:00.000-08:00

I cant believe i stayed up so late just to finish my presentation which is supposed to be uberly simple, but i kept on editing, due to dissatisfaction and freak of imperfection!

I was never a perfectionist, but im wanted to be a high achiever or something, you know? WHO DOESNT. I chop who say they dowan, noobs. Never study philosophy like that lor. HEH.

Later is my presentation so PRAY for me! :)

....send me away with the words of a love song.

Funny how when were gone people start listening.

i have hot chicks on my wall now

2010-12-09T12:20:00.000-08:00

Yes i do have 'em, what up?!

=)

i wished, you could have been there always

2010-12-09T03:56:00.000-08:00

Don't fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.

-Louis E. Boone

Every year i go through, every single day i go through daily, every hour that passes by, happens only once in your lifetime. There wont be a playback, there wont be a reverse button to fix your mistakes, to enjoy the moment once more, or even to catch hold of that very moment you had once.

And theres no turning back for what you didnt do, its all over once its over. Some stuff stays and most stuff fades away when you dont bother to even appreciate them. Why would someone stay if all she has is a hi, bye from you.

Then again, i think many took these moments for granted. Im guilty of doing so, everyone does. Except those drunk people who really drink then get so drunk and everything bad, because, well, over indulgence of alcohol! Epicurus wouldnt like you people..hmm.

Epicurus is a philosopher who disliked over indulgence and greediness, and yea, i study philosophy...and i remember this specifically because Onion was the presentator of this topic. :) I like your goat theory.

Hi imma goat, my name is Google. I know everything in this whole wide world.

Im next up for philosophy presentation, and my topic is Cicero. I didnt know who the tut is him till i Googled him out, well, Google has all the answers in the whole wide world. Go Google!!

And tomorrow is Anatomy skull topography exam, damns :( But after Anatomy is fun fun fun fun. Every single time theres Anatomy exam everyone will have this pale white face like they have just used Fair & Lovely or something. But after its over, SUGAR RUSHHH. We think people should respect us like we're Julius Ceasar, lol.

Thats how difficult Anatomy is...-.-''

Im too busy to even tell people how busy i am. SIGH.

p.s. i dont know, if you people ever know, but now i want you to know. that i know what you know and i will know even if you dont want me to know, so know, be sure to know what you know and hide it well cos i will still know even if you think i wont know. because what i dont know, its not because i dont know, its because i dont want to know.

ok i just wasted like some of my awesome life there crapping. :) bye need study.

let it snow let it snow let it snow :)

friends who are there when you need em :)

2010-12-05T13:39:00.000-08:00

I attended a night called Friends night, if i wasnt mistaken i did blogged about it. If not, then never mind. Its an event i attended few weeks ago :) The whole night, the main theme was "..because friends matter."

It was everywhere, the logo i mean, and whats everywhere actually is your friends. Everything you do every single day, surely can affect your friends directly or indirectly. Like if u go to the toilet to brush teeth,and if you dont, then your friends will have to tahan ur bad breath whole day. WHICH is bad. so. brush please. lol?

new friends i made during Friends Night. :)

haha some of them, meet me again in hostel. tak kenal. must be the make up. =.=''

In my life ive met many people, yet not many make it to be in this future of mine. ;) Perhaps they are destinied for another being :) Maybe some are still hanging on there, with their vague presence, ill revive em later on :D

But i do cherish each and every one of my friend, no matter you are a good friend, a best friend, or what any type, youre still someone dear to me as long as we do talk to each other :)

every one of them, i hugged before i left. :'(

Besides my blood related family and my boyfriend, they are the people i spend most of my time with :) And today i stand strong, telling everyone im proud to be their friend :) And each and every one of them matter alot to me!

Even when im far away, they still do update me with random things that happen, and even drop by to ask me how am i doing. Im really touched by the extend of some of them who will drop me random emails or FB inbox, asking me how am i doing.

:) friendship doesnt count the hours you spend together physically, but how much you spend thinking of the other, mentally.

I know i can always count on anyone of them when i have trouble, or when i need help, or when i need a punching bag, they will always be there. Thank you guys :)

Sorry but sometimes i can be a little spoilt, wanting attention and expecting everyone to listen to me, and all that bad stuff, didnt mean it. hahaha. Sorry, sincerely.

Today im in the thankful mode idk why.

All Carmen fault. Gossip buddy, you spoil me! ok la maybe partly Adeline's too. She talk crap with me whole day. :) We can seriously, sprout nonsense :(

Seems like nothing informative or beneficial ever comes out of my brain, why o God. why.

:) one day i shall create an album of buy four free four. ONE DAY.

cough xinna u know what to do la. :D

i miss you monkeys.

i miss you ochi's

i miss random yamcha's or some sort of random games o.o

Sigh, i miss all of you guys so much :) If only i can export each and every one of you to stay with me here in Moscow. Ill have so so much fun.

But oh wells, wait for me :D ill be back in a blink of an eye.

Note to self, eat less lah. lol. 3 bowls of spaghetti, wan die meh.
Note to egg tart stealer. Stop stalking me. I angry one ah. :(
Note to haters; hello! how are ya doin man??
Note to strangers: HELLOOOO. i wanna be friends, hi. wo shi yy. i am yy, saya adalah yy. menia zavut yy.

and finally, note to loved ones, hi darlings, i miss you guys loads :D

and my dearest Nina, dont worry. I love you even more than yesterday, and lesser than tomorrow. <3 We have 6 years of endless nights to gossip and talk :) Im glad i met you too, really!

Nyoms :)

Good luck in presentation morrow :)

I promise to blog about the people here, promise promise. Dont complain la, ill show you how i live in Moscow, one day. SOOON.

Nights earthlings. :) wo hen ai ni, wan an ♥

idk if i wanna die worrying about petty matters

2010-12-05T03:03:00.000-08:00

I dont want to. :) So, i will not :D

***

Short forms are fun, though abbreviation the word itself is long. If im not mistaken Zip told me before Singaporeans are fond of abbreviations. Maybe to save space in texts its okay, but i think for emails or even while speaking to someone, its just..weird. like, hahaha, LOL.

I remember so clearly how i felt when i heard someone said "lol". It took me awhile to understand what was he saying.. U know, summo i not those internet freak, i didnt know the real definition of lol at all. ICQ is just, mean. There are so many short forms that time that most of the time i dont know what others is saying. I just know you can use "lol" when you feel something is funny, or when you go speechless. =/

On the other hand, thank God the week is almost over. Its been one rough week in the beginning and it ended up perfectly. Im feeling awesome by the end of the week, which means, next week is going to be much more awesome-r. :D GOOOOOO YY.

Yesterday was Inter-Batch. Which means we all First years go down the field and fight with our seniors, in sports, and there was even tug-o-war. Sadly there was no space for girls participation, I bet if first years girls were to participate we will own.

But first year boys lost,cos the seniors all so big size, first year boys all so skinny, dunno whats wrong -.-''

But we did fight with our first year boys, and we girls won :) Dont defend yourself boys, you guys just wasnt strong enough, not because we are girls you let us win! hahaa. we EARNED our victory. lol

Its so unfair that they can eat 2 cups of rice and a chicken and not grow fat, instead, grow skinnier. Ironic much? -.-

goat hater's. *inside joke*

Today i didnt dress up according to dress code. I kind OF forgot.. Didnt know every single one would be spiritually motivated to actually wear orange. Practically my whole batch was wearing orange. Well at least my colour was neutral :D greyyyy!

1 fingers for first yearssssss; spot green and grey. coughonion and mecough

picture of players and screamers, eh, supporters.

I came late for Interbatch, cos i was sleeping. Yeah, what other reason could i have huh.. But yea, i walked to uni alone okay. For silly reason. Swt.

Owhhh, and i helped in cooking club sales. Their pastry was awesomeee. I sat there and ate some.. I think maybe while i was munching the pastries, some seniors came by and asked what is that you eating? And bought. duhhhh.

My mom once told me, "no matter nice or not nice, u see yyling eat den u will think its nice." Whats that suppose to mean mommy?

we won first place! top screamers ;)

There are just some people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger, and live a little better. Not everyone need a special someone, just a friend will do :)

KFC

2010-12-03T11:49:00.000-08:00

:D

Did you know? KFC here is much better compared to Msia! Serious. I had it twice, and i dont really actually eat chickens, but it tastes finger lickin' good. :)
Which means, i just had it for dinner. =) This proves that i got eat, every single day i kena paksa makan, by anyone i talk to, dont know why. lol.

The only weakness is that the chicken parts they give. You know the wing part of the chicken? Its divided into two, and worse, its counted as two. LOL. Guys wouldnt be satisfied but i am, because im a chicken wing lover! =)

So weird leh, when someone reads out your blog upfront, i mean read it out to you, makes you feel very shy, i dont know why too, but i just feel shy if someone reads it out loud to me. =x Its like not me, u know. When you put your thoughts into words it clearly shows how you actually feel and how you actually think. Lol. I sound very childish.. =(

But now, weather report. It has been so so cold for the past few days and hopefully the temperature will increase a little according to the forecast. But seems like, everything is so cold! I even skipped Anatomy today because well, the whole point of skipping was to skip, so skip!

I was too happy cos its Friday. Means, Saturday is here =)

i miss the clear blue sky!

ah so dull =(

Today when i called my sister, i managed to get a glimpse of baby Jessica ;) She already can walk, and speak some baby language. I miss her awesome standing hair and her cute reaction when i sing her Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Now when i sing to her over webbie, she doesnt seem to understand, :(

I think lag! ahhhh. Msia why ur internet so sucky. Everyday i see on Facebook people posting up about the connection problem and the hot hot weather! Adeline said its gettin hotter, please send some heat over, :(

i miss baby Jessica :(

I had fun telling mole story to stranger. Hahaha. Ask me and maybe ill tell you my mole story? :)

For tomorrow is a new day, what happens today is passed.. and is to be made history. For pie pie says so.

I have to say thanks to the 6 egg tart stealer, alot alot. For brightening up my day though its really dark and yea..sleep time. =) Thank you 6 egg tart stealer.

last christmas

2010-12-01T14:10:00.000-08:00

the only vivid thing i remembered about last Christmas was a very heart breaking thing and the coincidence of me and baby wearing pink on that night! swear din plan, hahaha. =)

hahhha omg noob face. -.-''

he says "eh, take again, i too focused on pressing the button that i forgot to smile"

hahhaha. funny.

plus fact, why i adore him? cos he wears pink, and brightttt pink those type. attention seeker, normal. and he wears the colors i like, :) actually i like all colors, i just realised. theres no dislike.

Oh wells, no use dwelling on the past eh? I know i know, but still..it hurts.
You guys will never understand till you're stepping in my shoes, really. I will never forget though i learn to forgive. Nah, i dont think ill stop hating for good either. It does harm to stop hating you, ya know. Whatever you did stained your image and it can never be removed, cos your just like that. Nothing changes. Even if you did change, you still suck and i still dislike your face.

Noh yy NOOOH. cannot like this.

I often refrain myself from saying or cursing others behind their back, directly or indirectly but when it comes to this particular person i just cant hold back. I think everyone i know is well aware of my this one particular problem. Yea, even my darling room mate. =) Sigh, ive omitted sin. I need more patience and strength to make it through the rain.

Its December-iaaa! How fast time passed by and already, one amazing year is going to fly past across me, and to turn back and think...what good thing have i done, or at least one significant thing that ive done to make this world a better place, i dont know. Cant think of any at the moment.

Maybe me being here in this world itself already made the world a better place, ;) *wink

I perhaps, build better relationships between myself and my dearest friends, if there was a year i had the time of my life, it would be this year, 2010. Where i graduated from Form 6, and spend almost half the year having fun and doing all the random things i could just think of. I wanna repeat 2010 if i could ;)

Every year theres something sweet to remember, theres something awesome to remember, and theres always those tough times when you actually cried over, and there are sad moments which you really want to forget but you just cant, and ultimately, things that happen that changed you or your life. Made your world upside down!

I hate long windy wordy post about that one whole year. And i know people dont read but straight jump to pictures. Actually who cares, theres already Facebook. Check thru your wall? hahaha.Some people make journals out of facebook what, exceptionally good. Whole world knows, whole world also asking "who the hell cares???!" hahaha. so bad la you all. tsk tsk tsk

Ive parted, ive gathered, i came and i almost conquered 2010, almost there. :D

capturing every moment! :D

but right now, i think. im focusing more on keeping myself alive.
-20 degrees, oh my tuhan.

owh owh, i came across something.

Aquarius's careless attitude toward love will baffle and finally enrage highly passionate Taurus, who doesn't want someone just to play with.This attitude could cause Taurus some major upsets as he/she will not be able to accept the problems of the whole world sharing his/her bed, which could cause Taurus to become over demanding in Aquarius' eyes.

im over demanding? =(

PS. thank you those who have been dropping by and offering me help and caring more for me. Didnt know facebook so effective, even people in uni is so friendly to me now. :) thank you all. and no, there is no such thing as application for my brother.. lol! dont take me too seriously. o.o

for those who has always been there, bless you! no word can replace the time and effort you put in to care for me ;) you know who you are!

PPS; This Christmas will be awesome. i can just feel it. with all the exams and the -20 something temperature. Its so awesome, i...... i can die. =[

i want a protective older brother so badly

2010-11-29T14:51:00.000-08:00

(refer to title)

I want a protective older brother so badly.
I want someone who will always check on me and scold me when i do something wrong.
I want an older brother who will make sure nothing goes wrong.
I want someone who will care and love me no matter what happens.
I want a brother who can joke with me and talk to me for hours just because im sad and he wants to cheer me up.
I want an older brother who is protective and demands me to listen to him all the time, just because he is worried i fall and make silly mistakes.
I want an older brother who will offer me his shoulders and let me cry because im sad so that i will cry my heart out and be happy again after i cried finish.
I want an older brother who will sing songs for me because i like people singing songs for me when im sad.
I want an older brother who will wipe off my tears and asks me who bullied me this time and offer his help to punch that asshole and skin him alive.
I want an older brother who will pick me up if i fall and still laugh at me but at the same time, wipe off the dirt off my knees.
I want an older brother who i can actually rely on and wont break my heart.
I want an understanding older brother who wont neglect me because he is playing his game, who would actually stop whatever he is doing because im complaining about anything, even small petty matters.
I want an older brother who will tell me "dont worry, this problem, ill solve it for you, your job, is to smile for me."
I want an older brother who loves me more than he loves any of his other friends, and is proud of it.
I want an older brother who will give me daily motivational quotes just to keep me going.
I want an older brother who will actually listen to what i am talking about although its very very boring, even if it is boring, he would just tell me off and start off a new topic.
I want an older brother who actually smiles when he say hi to me, calling me his sister.
I want an older brother who will worry about me when he cannot find me anywhere.
I want an older brother who loves me very very much and will never leave me though i push him away all the time.
I want an older brother who calls me names and argues with me.
I want to share all my secrets with an older brother and i expect him to understand and share his secrets too.
I want to share my love for an older brother with someone =(

Since its too late to ask my mom turn back time and change my elder sister into an elder brother, can someone volunteer to by my older brother?

I miss having heart to heart talk with someone who i can actually rely on. If i had someone who cares for me this much, ill shower him with all my love for an elder brother! Promise.

Depressed.

zzz

2010-11-28T12:59:00.000-08:00

O Lord. I need strength for my coming week, bless me with all types of power and motivation because i will need those. Add in some boost or turbo, perhaps a cannon? To blast me to space where there is no interruption and i can study anywhere, cos there is zero gravity and all that cool stuff. I wanna go to the Moon, if its on the way.

I have just wasted my weekend not doing anything productive, again. Besides sleeping and eating, yeah, that is it. All of my weekend is spend there. Ok i lied. Facebook too. Most of it.

Who the tututututttttt came up with Facebook and Tetrissss???!!

This is depressing. I have many problems. One of it, is that my eyelids arent the same.One is more obvious than another. Sad.

eyelids and examsSS! hard week ahead.

...and is it just me, or there is a spike in the activity of animal/ pet abusers these days. Its so horrifying to see those tiny rabbits or puppies or kitten or any sort of tiny vulnerable animals being tortured like that, and worse? The abuser, mostly are females, some males. What the heck is wrong with the society? Cant you people just leave those heart bearing animals alone?!

I hate animal abusers. You people who actually is guilty of animal abuse should die being tortured too then perhaps, you'll how how does it feel being tortured, poked, smacked, smashed. I could shed tears watching, id give up watching halfway and suddenly feel so guilty being in the same category as humans, worse, female.

You people are so so mean. Rot in hell. For every bone you break, thats how many defects you will have in your next life, or perhaps you should just stay in hell. Idiots!

i cant find the button

2010-11-27T02:27:00.000-08:00

Next week is colloq week, which means i have to study cos exams will come. Not coming, WILL come..and its next week. Yet i haven turn on my switch to study mode =( whyyy.

Will somebody please turn me on? I mean turn my study mode switch on. o.o

Anyways, i have been having sleepless nights. I dont know why but i have too many thoughts running around in my mind, over and over again. I feel so tired yet i cant shut my eyes. Hmm. Is this stress? What are symptoms of stress? I dunno, omg.

Thoughts are just thoughts i guess =/ the hard part is to decide.

yawns, pray for me to have a better night sleep please? =)

ps. stop being recalcitrant.

i iz coldz

2010-11-24T07:31:00.000-08:00

Oh maiii godddd. Its sho cold imma be frozen by the time winter is over, and bad news, i think it just started. Then i maa have to endure months and days of cold dull dark winter days??! oh mai gooooddddd.

*makes a very longgggggggg face

Its so different, being here, and comparing only the weather than how it was back then in Malaysia. It was always sunny and bright, Mr sun was always there to just suck up all the water i had in my body. Totally opposite than how it is here, that Mr sun is always so afraid of Mr cloud, and he is always hiding...and the rain and snow and water based products from up there...endless -.-''

yea the birds here, are like chickens. not birds, they are so huge, like chickens.

yes so the real chicken here, is like TURKEYS.

nola joking. lol

And its &*^(^%!!! cold every single day. Unless im in my warm and cozy room, with my dirty clothes scattered all over and books and everything, makes it feel more, homey. No this is not an excuse for not cleaning my room, trust me. All the mess takes lotsa effort, especially endless Tetris nights..with nina, onion, and jin nian..

OK. joking. nina, onion and jin nian is the same person. I wonder how can i face her every single hour and every single minute of my life. Unless im in the toilet, sometimes she follow too...for u know..bonding.. o.o

Oh wait i show u guys magic. How do we actually act at home, and how we actually act outside.

before:

laugh till no air breathe

after:

breathe till no air laugh? o.o

*poof magic. Public area need be more lady like =X

Everytime onion does something unexpected or something not lady like, the guys treaten to actually take a picture or video of her and post it up so that her thousand something (i dunno but got alot la) Facebook friends will delete her hahahahaha.

Wont la Onion, dont worry. Alot more people out there is even more deceiving. lol...

Hmm. Everyone pray! For the weather to be kinder to me, and for my exams to be...um..easier?

♥

ps. everything is alright =) lifes a doughnut, remember?

:(

2010-11-22T09:00:00.000-08:00

Im going to smile like nothing's wrong, talk like everything's perfect, pretend like it was all a dream, and act like its not hurting me.

you did not hurt me with what you did, but you hurt me with what you didnt do.

Sighs,I skipped lecture today, on a Monday. Because it was so so cold and i dont think i have enough time to get ready by the time i woke up. And by the time i woke up, i see my pretty princessy room mate Onion still sleeping so soundly. Looks like she has been dreaming of her king again. hmms.

So i woke up and played Tetris the whole day.I was waiting. I was waiting for something to miraculously happen so that i can just hop in and and and.....i dunno? o.O

But nothing happened. I was pretty disappointed by myself not doing anything beneficial. Perhaps talking to Brandon made my day a little. I miss Brandon, he has always been there for me when im bored at home. =.=

I wish i can carry him everywhere i go, so that i can have someone to talk to. Today i asked him whether he missed me, he stun for a little while and say yes aunty y. I miss you very much.

Do you even say you miss me? =.= a 5 year old does. =(

I think my friends are madly in love right now?

2010-11-21T13:03:00.000-08:00

I have a confession. Im very sad right now that i cannot be in Malaysia, being with the one i love, and be with my awesome friends who always is there to make me laugh.

I have friends who made me laugh so badly till i cried, who made me cry so badly then make me laugh, who accompanied me to the police station..but before that all ready to beat up the old guy who bullied me(hahha), i have friends who accompanied me to MCD's for ice cream randomly, i have friends who plays basketball and ignores me completely and let me get bitten by mosquitos, i have BEST friends who introduced me to heavenly chocolate lounge. Sigh, i miss you guys alot.

yes u people better feel guilty right now. haha

And i too have friends that forms a buy one free one category.

Some of which i can feel their joy, of being together, even from far far away. :)

i miss the both of you!

see jk actually is very caring one. HAHA

And it all ends up to me missing.. him.

maybe its hard, cos we're far apart.

Could all of my friends out there, take care of yourselves, and miss me?

cooler than me

2010-11-19T14:16:00.000-08:00

I think there are too many people in this world who is cooler than me.

For instance that dude in Japan who can juggle glass balls! OMG that was so cool okay. I wished i had his hands to play with those glass balls like they arent glass? -.-''

That was just too cool, and this is one of those millions people who are cooler than me. I think the coolest thing i can do is laugh. Hey, laughing is cool okay. And wearing those huge designer shades to cover up your whole face isnt cool, it makes you look like a caterpillar or some kind of overdosed drug abused bug...or something. I dont care. Its not cool -.-''

Theres limit to everything and those too unnecessarily huge shades, just, isn't necessary. LOL

Anyways, today my mom made me half strip on webcam cos she said i looked fat. =.='' I know it sounds wrong but eh, my mother la. And nothing inappropriate was shown, dont worry. Yes, i half strip, means she get to see my tummy, hand and everything else which she think i gained. Dont ask how, but it wasn't obscene.

Well, input with no output results in REMAINS.coughfatscough

You see, my mom cares about how i look more than how i care for myself. So yes, all the dieting is gone because i am far from home HAHAHAHA. But i will, try to control my intake because alot people complain i fat everyday here -.-. Endless. I dont get it, begitu gemukkah aku.=(

You see ah, girls become anorexic because you people who is too insensitive la. Keep complain we fat fat fat fat. Then when we get depressed, we dont want to eat. When we dont want to eat, we dont live well, and get even more depressed and end up dying of anorexic or some sort of depression. Careful of your words lah.

Dont worry i not so easy depressed ahahahaha. Im happy that i can grow. Thank GOD. =)

But, if din eat, become like that, how?

hantu oh hantu

2010-11-14T08:18:00.000-08:00

Saya tahu, yang blog post ni macam dah terlambat sangat dari Halloween yang lepas. Tapi i kena juga bagi korang tau tentang hantu hantu yang tiba tiba termuncul kat Moscow ni bila Halloween. Populasi hantu increase bila Halloween.. Orang kata hantu takut orang, tapi orang takut hantu, kat sini cam terbalik sikit. Orang takut orang.

I miss Malaysia , :)

Well, it was my first time celebrating such festival. Halloweens are usually just like any other days in Malaysia, but here it seems to be something important. Hmms. Maybe ghosts here are much friendlier? Woo.

maybe not. i bite. rawrrrrr

It was fun to see so much action and people pretending to be ghosts. I myself is afraid of supernatural beings, but i am always told to believe they exist but just, believe that they have their own reasons to exist too. God is great remember? :)

We cooked, we dressed up, we ate, we drank, we sang, and while doing all of that, we celebrated a ghostly yet friendly Halloween night.

we handmake pizzas here :)

no no no, more powder,not white enough lehhhh. HAHA

vegetarian potato vampire

thank you Elisha for this creepish picture.

Thank you seniors from M1 who came to join us too, :) Khai Sze jie jie, yew, and jin li jie jie, and sook yeeee :)

Notice the queer looking ghost on the left, with the very funny shirt. Showing a guy lifting dumbell with his thing. HAHA. Ghosts are funny these days. And Martin (yellow shirt) is just so scary! How do you do those eyes. yerr.

this is still giving me nightmares, jay -.-''

but this is my favorite ghost, because this ghost comes with a Hello Kitty!
:D

I know i have lesser girlfriends compared to many other girls out there,like some die hard group thing, but i know when it comes to picking someone who you will spend most of your time with, most of your college life with, that one person you complain everything to without any holding back, i know one person whos always there for me :) Guess who? :)

my mei mei onion.

:) ei u dam scary lo seriously

And when the night ends, i go back to my normal usual self. :) Lifes like that eh, like a doughnut.

notice the yellow blue black on my right hand.

ya you assholes dont simply hit girls please.

(: Not everything in life may run smoothly, but i dont wanna tiptoe through life, to reach death in the end. I wanna stuff my feet real deep into this life, leaving marks everywhere like a child eating ice cream. And obstacles are maybe rocks that i trip over. (:

Why you so semangat yy. =.=''

why isnt everything enough

2010-11-12T14:56:00.000-08:00

I want i want i want.

Sometimes i feel guilty of being so greedy, wanting the most out of everything i do. I want people to be happy of what i did for them, i want people to appreciate what i am trying to do, i want people to thank me for my efforts, i want things that i know, is impossible for me to get. Yet i still long for the impossible. (currently i long for Mr.x to come to Moscow and sing me a Taylor Swift song and please, if u do come, bring me some maggi goreng or ccf.)

Well, its nothing bad longing something so badly that you can actually get all so emotional when you get really disappointed but, me thinks its okay. Adds spice to your boring life. Talking about boring, life here, is getting pretty boring. Same old boring routine everyday. I wished there was more drama than cook eat sleep study. hmms.

Its so bored till when dinner time, all my study mates crack medical anatomical jokes -.-'' u know, bones and stuff.

Reminds me of all those 5 Amiga times.. where we were believed to be eating calculators..due to certain circumstances. Yao yun even wrote some short description of how calculators actually tastes like. o.O

Anyways, i asked why isnt everything enough because sometimes, when i already got what i actually wanted, i want more, like more alot more. I forget how to appreciate things that i already have and i try to get more than what i already have just because i dont feel appreciated, i dont feel the feeling of belonging. Worse, i dont feel like i matter at all.

Its so frustrating especially because you know what is going on and yet your alter ego still wanna go and jump off than cliff, taking the risk. Dear other yy, please stoppppppp.

Just be satisfied and let things go flow mo lo to yo? :D

no wonder ive been saying LOL so much. live, love, laugh :)

realisations

2010-11-11T10:53:00.000-08:00

I recently realised my tendency to say "lol" whenever possible, especially on chats and instant messaging. Even sms'es. Thus the blog post.

"LOL" an abbreviation for laughing out loud, or laugh out loud, a common element of internet slang .Mostly, its used for expressing bodily reactions, in particular laughter, as text, including initialisms for more emphatic expressions of laughter such as LMAO ("laughing my arse/ass off"), ROTFL ("roll(ing) on the floor laughing") or ROFL ("roll(ing) on [the] floor laughing"), and BWL ("bursting with laughter").

Thanks Wikipedia. =)

I rarely use anything other than "lol" but, hmms, looks like "lol" has competitors. Other abbreviations are too abstract for me to use, :( its just too much for me. For me to LAUGH MY ASS OFF is just too, unimaginable.

Though often, saying "lol" is just expressing how much does what the other person say amuses you. Or at times, (for me at least) its something to say when you really go speechless.

like,

A : i think im fat laa, i think im slim but people think i still fat ler. how how how?

YY: lol. dunno.

Some people call it a symbol of appreciation to your attempt of humor. HAHA.

I do doubt the main purpose of this word because really, who and exactly how often anyone is actually laughing out loud when they are saying "lol"?? A research should be carried out, :D

HAHAHAHA

and did you know, lol is a Dutch word which, coincidentally, means "fun" ("lolling" means "funny").

Variants of "LOL"

LEL: An abbreviation for both "Laughing Extremely Loud" and "Laughing Eccentrically Loud.
lolz: Occasionally used in place of LOL.
lulz: Often used to denote laughter at someone who is the victim of a prank, or a reason for performing an action. Can be used as a noun — e.g. "do it for the lulz."According to a New York Times article about Internet trolling, "lulzmeans the joy of disrupting another's emotional equilibrium"
lolwut: lol + wut, used to indicate bemused laughter, or confusion.
Lawl or Lal: Pseudo-pronunciation of LOL. Saying "lawl" is sometimes meant in mockery of those who use the term LOL, and usually not meant as serious usage.
LOLOLOLOL: For added emphasis, LOL can be appended with any number of additional iterations of "OL". In cases such as these, the abbreviation is not to be read literally (i.e., "Laughing out loud out loud out loud out loud"), but is meant to suggest several "LOL"s in a row.

and sometimes, i LOL than lol because im emphasizing on the LOL-ness of your lol-story.

cai hong is rainbow lah yy

2010-11-09T13:30:00.000-08:00

I remembered who told me what "Cai Hong" was! Its feifei my darling :D She who have too many similarities, we share alot things in common. And i always know, when theres something wrong, i can always count on her =) Not that she will kick that asshole's ass who hurt me, but she will be the one tham-ing me.

She does it better than Mr. Soo trust me. HAHA.

U know i sayang you right?

♥ I MISS YOU!

If there you ask me, yy, which of your friends love love jay chao alot alot? It'll be my darling fei fei, :) Hey fei, if youre reading this, dont emo so much la hear JC songs, bad for health, cepat tuaaaa. If emo, find me, i sing song for you, auto not emo. I will sing JC songs for you, hyper happy mode. Hahaha.

example, na li you cai hong kao shu wo, neng bu neng bao wo de yue wang huan gei woooo :)

Anyways, though i might sound a little jakun saying this, but really, ive seen my first rainbow in land of no chili. Shall refer this place as land of no chili, cos its making me emo. My taste buds are rotting, no adventure :(

so cool hor. heh heh heh, jangan jealous.

dont we all love cai hong's :D

the colors are so vivid, i could almost touch it.

If i didnt inhibit the second highest floor of this hostel i would, REALLY SWEAR, to go downstair and touch the rainbow. If its reachable. =S

And maybe if i take the ice on the floor and put it high enough in the rainbow, ill get SKITTLES.

similar?

But the lift will always fail me and my legs are too lazy to run down flights of stairs and climb it up again. Every single time i climb this mountain of stairs, i felt like ive reached the tip of Everest or something. I would have announced it on Facebook but, ahh. It aint my personal journal, announce to the world, lol.

Time here pass by so fast lah, like a G6, like a G6.

i wish i can FORBID myself from not studying, hmms

learning

2010-11-05T13:44:00.000-07:00

I skyped with mommy today. I missed having her to talk to, and having her laughing at me when i tell her things i worry about. All she would do is probably, smack me and tell me to not think so much. Life's gonna give you loads more other trouble than those small things i worry about now, says mommy.

Even when i tell her my troubles, she never seem to be bored listening. I wished i had more friends like that. She knows im pampered in Malaysia and i wont be pampered here.

Im learning, really, to accept and to give in. But while i learn, i realise, im giving in to things that shouldnt even exist in the very beginning. Where will i go, giving in... what good will it do, pretending to forgive someone when you dont want to.

Nothing actually is as it is before anymore.

If people want me in their lives, they'll actually do something.

is itttttt???

2010-11-04T15:35:00.000-07:00

Girls and tears are best friends, really. It comes when it comes, cant help it. Tears appear automatically, this morning, just watching a very too awesomely sweet video of a guy proposing to a girl, signals my best friend to come. Its too sweet ;'(

Again, its not a sin, and doesnt mean that if a girl cry alot = shes weak. If thats your impression, well, good for you. Cos at least we can pour my feelings out, and after awhile, things just get as awesome as it normally is.

No use dwelling with matters which will never be resolved. Let God take the wheel? :) I sincerely give up trying to cope with everything, i not so superwoman. Its not a life or death thing so whatever la.

In Romans 12:2, it says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Im stubborn? yes.If thats what it takes to protect myself from the world of this evilness :)

But i am constantly reminding myself, of how much happiness Ive gone through rather than the tough times!

aja aja fightingggg :D

and wth, i googled how far is it from america to china..... and this came,

who wanna kayak with me???!!!

happy deepavali to all my awesome curry-cookin friends.

happy celebrating this beautiful light festival, :)

things that go public, is seen by public

2010-11-03T06:57:00.000-07:00

Almost everything happening in our daily life is being publicized nowadays, with Facebook and Twitter. You can actually know what are they doing even without keeping in touch with them. We often hear "do keep in touch" but alas, physical interaction is rarely seen these days. I can even know stuffs that my friends dont tell me about. =.=''

Im supposed to be happy about it, but still? We dont talk about it anymore, because i already KNOW about it, so we dont talk as long as those days when FB dont exist.

Facebook these days, perhaps is misused. Freedom to talk spoils a person's character. Spoils people mind. Spoils people way of thinking, and worst, spoil their anger management. Sigh.

Though there might be boundless freedom of words to be posted, and when its obviously is going to appear at the "Most Recent" tab, people tend to misuse it. I admit, I do take advantage of all that but on really, very major problems and not on petty matters like "my friend took my kettle and refuse to return it to me."

Its really interesting to watch and keep reading, but at the same time someone can be hurt by your words, mind you. Why leave the matter hanging if you dislike something..just go and tell that person straight in the face la!!. Why beat around the bush, labeling innocent people around you, making people assume things and what yes what not.

Some people are rather sensitive when it comes to matters like this, really. Wouldnt you feel hurt? And when they do mind and some serious Facebook status fight happens, troubles arise and everyone has to bear with the whole situation. Lets just try to not complicate things? Please. You as in individual of this society, should play your role and keep peace within the community and not rage the people in it. haa.

and to those who offended a.k.a "terasa", I tell you something, words are just words, they mean nothing, unless you allow them to. So if you did nothing wrong, heck who cares what others say. =)

Remember that phrase, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."? Apply lah apply.

Just some thought that came across my mind but i didnt have the time to put it into words. Not judging anyone btw. Who am i to judge you right, but since i have no guts to post it up and Facebook and have a Facebook status war with my 620 something friends, i post it here.

Less people read = less chances of being confronted a.k.a "diao-ed." - YY :)

Fact is, I accept the fact that everyone has their own way of expressing, and everyone was brought up differently in a different family. But being like this isnt right, at least i dont think it is and it should be taken seriously by this society.

If you still dont get my whole point after reading this whole wasting-my-time-wth-essay, then...you cannot be saved. I think you're actually living in a different dimension, a really, retarded one. Better check your pulses to find signs of life.

The fabrics of the society is wearing thin, you know? Lets patch up those holes. =)

some things just dont change

2010-11-01T15:46:00.000-07:00

Soon enough this empty space will be filled with words, soon enough this blog will be the place which conveys my feelings, for people dont really know how to listen no more, they fail to perceive your emotions. Perhaps they just dont know what its like being me. Of course they wouldnt, silly me...or perhaps, i expected more. I expected more than what i should expect.

People who i thought, would listen attentively and give me strength and courage when i really need their advise, instead makes me feel even more helpless, and people who i didnt know i could talk to, instead, gave me the direct opposite.

God is really, just great. =)

Its really hard to trust your instinct nowadays, guts feeling not working anymore. I was blinded before.

"Ive made mistakes in my life, Ive let people take advantage of me, and i accepted way less than i deserve. But ive learnt from my bad choices, and even though there are some things i can never get back, and people who will never be sorry, i'll know better next time, and i will never settle for anything less than i deserve." -unknown

On the other hand, I really dislike people who takes me for granted. I feel sad, disappointed and everything else which is practically, bad. If i could verbalise everything i felt at that moment, i will. But i cant, its like seeing someone popping a kid's balloon. Though taking so much time and effort, I will be happy if everyone is cooperating and having fun at the same time. Wasting time and energy isnt a problem for me, but starting from now, maybe i will consider the people.

But it sucks when in the end, there will be people who just takes you for granted, and ignores everything for some petty reason. At least if you could have apologies, i wouldn't feel hurt as much as i do now. I earnestly think this people deserve a firm punch in their face, and a slap too.

Maybe this might sound clearer, you wan that stupid wrapped meat in some stupid dough. I made it. I made it regardless of how much effort and damn time it took. But i dont feel appreciated, i dont need a thank you, but perhaps what i need is an approving smile, portraying your appreciativeness of what i have done, and all that running around and rushing actually means something.

I regretted my decision, though i cant take it back, ive learn. People never change regardless of how much you remind them..and dont assume they will, for any damn reason. I will remember you, asshole.

I need chill pills, dont i? $&%$^%^!!!!!!!!

Lets sleep, tomorrow will be a much better day.

sigh.

2010-10-30T15:15:00.000-07:00

hugs. i miss hugs.

:'(

Troubles come, troubles go.

They either make you, or break you.

You know those kind of times, where you really dont know what to do, being stuck in between, stuck between decisions for yourself and not hurting anyone? And while trying to not hurt anyones feeling, keeping it all in, being so patient till the extent of probably, hurting your pride? Other things doesnt really matter anymore, you try your best.

But the best isnt enough. It always isnt.

Im sorry. ='(

when we are so far away :)

2010-10-29T14:50:00.000-07:00

Isnt it amazing how the net connects people? From one end of the world, till the other end. :)

Im pretty worried when I knew my parents decision to send me so far, how am I going to cope with studies while missing everyone back in Malaysia so badly. But still, im getting used to it now!

This is mommy, being a super bright lightbulb.

She's even wearing bright orange! hehe

If there was one thing that i want to see everyday, it would be my mom's smile. How she would smile when she sees me online, and how she will ask me how is class, how is the weather here. Am i sick? Have i been drinking enough water.. Have i taken my dinner, or whats for dinner.

I admire a mothers love for her child, seriously. I want to be like my mom, when i grow up! Theres nothing i would change about you mommy. =)

sorry im always annoying you, hahaa. p.s. this is my OH REAAAALY face ;)

see bb pout, hahaha.

♥ i love you mummy & i love you baby! =)

I just realise that maybe my blog is where u can spot teng han's soft spots. He may seem like nothing bothers him, but somewhere deep inside he always cares. Probably hes just not used to showing his feelings. Plus if he dont tolerate my nonsense i will get angry, so yeah. haahaha. Thats why we are made in pairs, you just need to find the right one! *winks. Warning, in order to find the right one, you may break hearts, or you yourself may be broken. But wounds heal =)

Notice : I have realised, that Oovoo is much cooler than Skype. I have been using Oovoo continuously for the past few days ever since Onion intro'ed it to me :)

thus the pictures,

see this jeekeng, parasite other people webcam.
dowan get his own. sigh jeekeng. hahaha

see my face, failure. zzz

they all laughing at my failure. even myself.

elisha, onion & meeeee. notice i have been showing alot PEACE signs.

haih, onion effect. hahaahaha

♥

stunned face o.O''

haaaa, jinee trying to stretch his face =P

we all must smile more, eh? :) i likeeee.

eventhough i like smiling, my smile isnt that pretty either.but but, imperfections is normal =)
learn to accept, and we will all be fine!

but smiling to make someone else's day is a blessing, you know? =)
why is jeff always in the middle? o.o

lemons dilemma

2010-10-27T08:20:00.000-07:00

Can i ask why there is such phrase like "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade?" its so weird, why lemon? so sour, or maybe thats why. hmm did i just answer myself.

Because yesterday i was arguing on how much i dont like drinking colored/ flavored water. yucks ;(

The first thing i realised when i reach this alien planet is probably the coldness, and second to it will be the diversity of the food. Unlike where i come from (haha, like i come form jungle) where there can be really sweet stuff, or really spicy stuff, or really salty stuff, or just plain roti canai with mixture of all taste OMG. and here there is like no pepper, no chili powder, and thats already bad enough.

kacang also dont have. ikan bilis, forget it la. i think the fish here too big to become ikan bilis.

Everyday have to think what to eat.

Everyday have to cook.

Everyday have to eat.

U know. i kinda miss my kakak now. can somebody poslambat her here? i have six years to wait nevermind.

and all eating and no work is making me fat. everyday i can hear people complain that im too fat , yawn. i shall, lose..weight..when....winter is over. its too cold to be stick skinny! omg.

im already feeling guilty eating everyday. can i please stop eating? if i dont have gastritis problem, i would have starve myself. hahaha

Its too nice when the sun is up;

if there was sun everyday, i will visit the park everyday of my life. -.-''

ps..they dont have sun everyday. and im still amazed by the ducks, fat quacks.

can i catch and fry? o.O''

Yesterday before i slept, i prayed, I told Him, please let me wake up on time for class everyday. This morning, i did reach class on time, but i was running while eating my banana.

Dear God, you misinterpreted my prayers?

time for personal space

2010-10-22T15:06:00.000-07:00

I have a confession, i am falling in love once again. Guilty of falling in love with something i once despise so much, even to the extend of its sight, smell would make me feel like throwing up.

Yes, im fell in love with Bak Kut Teh, nyah har har har. Too good, cannot resist. Perhaps the pork here is much more pork like, nyams. :D

Life's as good as always, mummy dont worry. Im eating too well here. Didnt grow skinner like how you thought i would, due to missing you and baby and all my awesome friends , heeee :)

Often i do miss everyone back in Malaysia..but i guess there will be a time in life when we all have to part, someday, and my days of fun and laughters back with you guys is postponed for the next six years. Wait for me:)

Since my previous posts all involves missing him, missing my parents, missing people. Maybe i should, have a break, have a kit kat (here expensive, lol)

Anyway, life is good so far. There has been obstacles, we all will face em somehow eh? I met new people, new people met me, and yada yada.. and my key to survival would be, tolerance. If i was ever going to re read my blog posts, i want to remind myself at this beginning month of my life in Moscow, how much tolerance made my life!

There will be people poking their noses into your life, will be even bigger number of people unwilling to go with the flow, they wanna go against, oh well, lol. They are those who will add spices to your life,and those who are just sweet are making memories sweeter, :)

Since my blog is where i can just tell people about myself maybe, im going to tell you. Some stuffs, that perhaps you already know, or maybe just take it as a friendly reminder. I personally dislike guys who smacks girls, ultimately, hitting my head. I can just picture tearing them up into pieces when they do that. As much as i love to smack guys, i smack very pain meh? =x

And i will get very easily irritated when i am hungry/cold. (new fact)

And i dislike people screaming at me or talking in a loud tone to me.

DO NOT TOUCH MY PILLOW.
its THE PILLOW. not just ANY PILLOW. damn. such precious thing.

I prefer to be happy, rather than sad. But if i do go into that dark side of happy, please give me some space, okay? Ill be fine promise..wont jump off building or do anything silly. im not lily. lol. (lilly..silly..rhymes??)

conclusion, no smacking, no hitting, and dont test my patience when i am cold/hungry, dont touch my pillow, dont scream at me. and thats all for now.

take note please, copy copy copy paste paste paste save save save

byeaaaaaassssssss <3

more fierce

2010-10-19T10:45:00.000-07:00

I is need to be more fierce, cos;

Soo Teng Han: u need to be more fierce

Soo Teng Han: cause u thr alone.

Soo Teng Han: then i nt thr to protect u de

lets all thank God for Skype's existance? :)

because friends matter

2010-10-17T15:27:00.000-07:00

hello world, :)

I have been pretty busy these days, working on my home tasks (here they dont call it homework or assignment, hmms) and also, busy cooking and waking up late for classes. Yes, i missed my first Physical Training class in the past week and i will definitely learn from my mistake. Sleep early when u know your class is pretty damn early the next day, alarm 3 times also cannot hear.

Oh and yes, Saturday i attended Friend's Night, organised by Malaysian Fellowship in Moscow, they are cool. To be able to organised such events, i personally think it requires alot of effort and even worst, consumes so much time. :) I didn't actually attend it with any intention of doing anything, maybe to meet more friends who is studying in a different uni maybe..but i realised, they really did emphasize on the fact that everyone needs friends, and people who isolate themselves, thinking they can always be on their own, isnt really happy after all.

I used to be like that actually. Being all alone, thinking i can do everything myself, i can live on with just me myself and i, why not? Its so much simpler, less hassle, and no drama. Then i realised the dullness, when everyone else goes everywhere together and im left behind. Its sad, seriously. Like going mamak alone. too sad too sad.

Then, i learnt my lesson, and opened myself to people around me, to friends. and thats when the fun and laughter comes in :) Thoughout the years, ive met awesome people, and its natural to meet not so awesome people too but they are just sidekicks in my life, so whatever lah..

So people, friends are important, no matter how good you think you are, you will surely need them somehow. Doing everything alone isnt fun, and whats worse, being sad all alone :) learn to accept people and tolerate people, dont have to be so hard headed, no good.. k? besides, if your nice, i dont see a reason why should people hate you, there must be a problem then only people will hate you wannnn, realllllyyyy!

*makes the realllllyyy face

now, lets see some awesome people i hang out with. these people are called, friends :)

they do matter, trust me :)

at times when you really need someone to turn to, when you significant other isnt there, when your parents arent there to advice you, the only person who u turn to, is them. and when you finally see and learn how to appreciate them, they become family too :)

from left; martin, fei fei :D , kelvin, jay, hong, yy <3, nina <3<3, jeff :)

dont we just make great poses together? introducing....wtf face :)

hey baby, you fit right beside me! so i left some space for you :)

this should be fei fei's favorite picture hahahaha

and they remind me of you guys back in malaysia. forever posing like this, o.O

introducing, official "wtf face"...

models: nina & nini :)

example of wtf moments

:) friends matter.

and boyfriends matter more, because they are willing to do the silliest mistakes to make you happy.

yy : aku sedih.

bb: kenapa sedih? senyumlah macam ni.

thus,

ini terjadi.

hah, i sayang you baby. :)

jump then fall :)

2010-10-13T07:35:00.000-07:00

Taylor Swift - Jump then fall

I like the way you sound in the morning
We're on the phone and without a warning
I realize your laugh is the best sound
I have ever heard

I like the way I can't keep my focus

I watch you talk, you didn't notice
I hear the words but all I can think is
We should be together
Every time you smile, I smile
And every time you shine, I'll shine for you

Whoa oh, I'm feeling you baby
Don't be afraid to
Jump then fall
Jump then fall into me
Be there, never gonna leave you
Say that you wanna be with me too
So I'm a stay through it all
So jump then fall

I like the way your hair falls in your face
You got the keys to me
I love each freckle on your face, oh
I've never been so wrapped up, honey
I like the way you're everything I ever wanted

I had time to think it oh, over
And all I can say is come closer
Take a deep breath then jump then fall into me
Cause Every time you smile, I smile
And every time you shine, I'll shine for you

Whoa oh, I'm feeling you baby
Don't be afraid to
Jump then fall
Jump then fall into me
Be there, never gonna leave you
Say that you wanna be with me too
So I'm a stay through it all
So jump then fall

The bottom's gonna drop out from under our feet
I'll catch you, I'll catch you
And people say things that bring you to your knees
I'll catch you
The time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry
But I'll hold you through the night until you smile

Whoa oh, I need you baby
Don't be afraid, please
Jump then fall
Jump then fall into me
Be there, never gonna leave you
Say that you wanna be with me too
So I'm a stay through it all
So jump then fall
Jump then fall baby
Jump then fall into me, into me

Every time you smile, I smile
And every time you shine, I shine
And every time you're here
Baby I'll show you, I'll show you
You can Jump then fall, jump then fall
Jump then fall into me, into me, yeah

it may be late, but happy anniversary baby, i love you still :*

wait for hello kitty to come back. :)

ps, nah my so far away gift. since i cant celebrate and surprise you anymore.

whom yy really miss right now

2010-10-04T14:19:00.000-07:00

is mommy and jessica, and daddy and jessica :(

and my this two hero :(

and my two annoying sisters, and my family is incomplete without me :(

i miss all of you guys too :(

but here in Moscow, i found somewhat similar people :)

not available, sorry. o.O

i become best friends with a thinner pimp too, :( (cough jinee cough)

pretty means taken. lol

tho they can be new to my life,

they still do make me smile :)

each and everyone makes a family, and family means nobody gets left behind.

you guys are my family now <3

and to people back in Malaysia or Singapore (cough),

i will always remember those times we had, :(

you guys made me who i am today.

♥