dissapointments

you know they always say, to be happy, have no expectations, have no hopes, just go with the real flow. the real flow isn't there, isn't there for me to flow along right now. and i do have expectations. i just pretend like i dont but i sometimes i really do. its things that i want that i dont get and things that i didn't wish for i get.(=.=) hey You, dont be so mean can or not? :(

this is a post of words. shoo.

i was so disappointed, so so disappointed at that moment but i got over it. and then i feel disappointed again. man, i should just change my name to disappointed guan. instead of yvonne. i still wonder why kar hoe wants me to change my name to riley guan. -.- not that i hate that name. it just doesn't suit me.

i dislike disappointments and why everyone around me have no appointment at all? they all seem so happy with everything that i too, wanna play along and look happy all the while. not that i feel depressed all the time but sometimes that annoying what the hell feeling just comes and surround me like those people in pasar malam. i move anywhere or everywhere and i still feel the same. why!

halfway reading this particular article on how to make your life more happy and bright, i noticed something that it kept on emphasis on the base that we should all live without expectations, like in those days where they say doing good deeds and not expecting something in return. i dont expect something in return (sometimes, yes). and that sometimes is the one that kills. i cannot get over that sometimes. i cannot. i thought it was so important that i can actually get something but..no. i dont. and i get so upset till i just wanna lay down and die at that very moment.

i am not greedy okay. i just have needs, needs to feel like i belong somewhere sometimes. not just be in my own world, just staying there, hanging by a string or a rope. and hello, money isnt everything.

i am not buy-able and either i am for sale.

p.s. i wan go pasar malam but i forgot that yesterday was ss2 pasar malam so i cannot get to go.

p.p.s life is such donut. what the donut.