i dont mind being at the losing end, if its you.

Supposedly i should be heading to my nerd mode instead of still being stuck here blogging, but i really need to get this out of my head. Recently ive been troubled, troubled with many sorts of things, and my mind just cant stop thinking. Not just about myself, perhaps about others too, family..friends.

But we all know what affects us most, people close to us. Well maybe not you, but to me, yes. I am easily affected by people around me. I could shed tears watching someone cut a camel on Youtube, that was plain mean. I still cant say yes to vegetarian tho, but camel? -.-'' Im not saying im close to the camel but im just associating and giving an example of how easy shed tears for people i barely know.

Main point is. I might hear stories, i might hear complains, i might even myself, say things i dont even realise might hurt people around me. People by nature are pretty insensitive arent they? They want to be the best among others, and we cant please everyone, seriously. You might be pissed at someone for one minute and be totally friends the next. 

I wont lie, that i dont hear any complains about anyone around me. I complain myself too, to everyone close to me. I hear really bad stories, about everyone, i even hear really bad things that i choose, to just listen. Things done, are done. I cant change anyone. They have their flaws, only they themselves can change their attitude. What more can i do than to just ignore?

When i love someone, i give my all. I dont hold in, i dont keep anything to myself, i give it all. I made a promise to myself, to love someone whole heartedly anytime in my life. There might be times, when i doubt myself, i doubt this whole relationship, i doubt this whole being together thing. There might be even times when i think, hey..im giving too much, wont i be at the losing end?

Nobody wants to lose, everyone wants to win. But when you realise you loved this person that much, you wont mind losing. You give the whole world and expects nothing in return because you loved. You give in when theres argument because you loved. You throw away your doubts and give it the best shot, because you loved. You ignore your dissapointments because you loved. You try to understand his difficulties because you loved. You hide your emotions so hard so that your friends wont think hes a jerk, because you loved. 

End of the day, id still be happy, i cant explain why but i do.

To love,for me, means taking the risk of a heartbreak. I might not be as strong as you people out there, but i know, theres someone destined to be with me. And high possibility, im with that person right now.

Let time decide. We come to love, not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person, perfectly.

He may not be the best, but im happy. I appreciate everything he has ever done. Recently he might put up mean statuses saying hes worried, and girls forget everything, that made me emo (yes now u know) but i love you still. Im just going to pinch u when i see you alright?

Happy 23 months, i hope you cry reading this. :) Even if you didnt, just lie to me la okay. I can...take..it.

we might not have tomorrow, but im thankful for what we had. :)